Here in the pet-friendly offices of The Curmudgeon, we are pissed off but not ballistic. This item is hot off the news wire, courtesy of the AP:
“BOULDER, Colo. (April 16) – Police say a Colorado woman wrapped her boyfriend’s dog in packing tape and stuck the animal upside down to a refrigerator because he wouldn’t get rid of it.” I reacted to this disturbing and disagreeable news in my usual, self-controlled, dignified manner by saying WTF? Huh?
Sorry, but I don’t cotton to nobody, no how, tapin’ no dog to the fridge. Uh-uh. I like dogs. I like them a lot. Now if it had been a cat that would be different. (Not really. I have a cat and he’s a prick but he’s my prick.) This begs two questions: Why did Ms. Dumb ass tape a dog to the fridge and what kind of tape did she use?
Seems the dumb broad, one Abby Toll, got into a fight with her boyfriend over the dog, which she wanted to get rid of and the boyfriend did not. So, she did what any crazy woman would do: she got out the packing tape (I would have bet money on duct tape) and bound the legs, snout and tail of the dog, who was cleverly named Rex. The canine was a Japanese breed called a Shiba Inu, which are apparantly calm, kind natured, and good with children and crazy chicks. And they ain’t scared of no packing tape.
The stupid Ho was charged with felony cruelty, drug possession and other counts. She is currently free on $12,500 bond and has declined to comment when questioned by the Curmudgeon, but she did growl and then whimper, I swear. I don’t like this “free” business. Seem like at least they could tape her to the fridge to await trial. The boyfriend was also charged, but only with a misdemeanor cruelty count, presumably for not stopping the pudding-brained woman from taping the dog to the Frigidaire in the first place.
At least Rex was saved. He is now in an animal shelter and will be put up for adoption. I hope they throw the doggy training manual at this chick. I’ll tell you what, she should be sentenced to a year in the dog pound, forced to live in a tiny cage, and eat cut-rate dog food from a bowl. It’s only fair.
So what’s the answer to the question, “Which one’s the bitch?” Clearly Rex is a male and just as clearly, the dumb Ho is a bitch. But you didn’t really need me to tell you that.