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Archive for April, 2010

MBK (Marjie), flicker, Creative Commons, http://www.flickr.com/photos/mbk/2387406602/in/photostream/

Here in the health conscious offices of The Curmudgeon, we may partake in healthy eating practices, but we are not above a couple of Big Bufords from Rally’s or a bag of sliders—and plenty of ’em—so it’s not odd to consider that a fellow may have met a woman in a White Castle.  What is surprising, is this fellow went to White Castle to meet a hooker, and have an assignation in the bathroom.  What a romantic spot for sex, eh?

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.  So this guy—William Ferris, obviously a handsome, adventurous guy—goes  into the john with the hooker and she only kisses and performs oral sex on him.  He thought he was going to get more than that, I mean, $50 bucks is worth the works, right?  He was pissed off.  So he did what any intelligent guy would do:  He called 911 to report the crime of robbery.

No matter what you may think, cops aren’t dumb.  The dude’s story isn’t making sense to the officers that responded to the scene.  Wouldn’t you know it?  He gets two “not dumb” cops who probably want to make detective.  They question him.  They grill him.  They make him repeat his story a hundred times.  They taunt him by swinging a Tak-Home-A-Sak in front of him, promising him all he can eat if only he’ll tell them the truth.  Ferris can’t take the pressure and he confesses.

What a dumb ass.  He was charged with solicitation and making a false police report.  He was also warned that he will be charged with trespassing if he “returns to the White Castle on Harrison Avenue.  Presumably, he can still meet hookers at the White Castle on Henry street.

White Castle doesn’t deliver. Neither does the hooker.

(This story appeared on TMZ.)

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Photo by: michaelk42, flickr, Creative Commons, http://www.flickr.com/photos/felixcat/3854669370/

Here in the jolting office of The Curmudgeon, I am the only person who carries a Taser, as far as I know.  I rarely use it, saving it for dangerous  situations, such as an employee asking for a raise.  I’m sure we can all agree I am justified in utilizing it in such dire circumstances.  Heck, the cops use them all the time. So much easier than actually wrestling anyone to the ground.  They recently tasered a student.  It was a student in Day Care.  He was 10 years old.

The shocking moment happened at Tender Teddies Day Care.  A call had gone out to cops saying a 10-year old was out of control.  Well, we must control our 10-year olds, otherwise we’ll have legos strewn about everywhere.  So they did what any adult in their right mind would do; they slapped him, but wanting to make absolutely sure he was subdued, tasered him.  You know what people look like when they’ve been tasered?  Imagine now a 10-year old boy.  Ha, ha, funny isn’t it?

Not as funny perhaps as last November, when as Arkansas cop tasered a 10-year old girl for refusing to take a shower and then throwing a tantrum.  Boy, they sure wanted that girl to take a shower.  But she really didn’t want to, so she kicked the cop in the balls.  Nobody but nobody kicks officer Morgateroyde in the jewels and gets away with it.

But back to the recent 10-year old tasering.  The mayor’s office and the Police Department said it was done to prevent the kid from harming the staff, other kids, or himself.  He was kicking and screaming and wouldn’t stop.  That is mighty peculiar behavior for a child, you must admit.  I do think they might have tried something else, like…I don’t know…grab him or something.  Of course, once he levitated and his head spun around they should have called an exorcist.

Don’t worry, you politically correct types, the cops are being punished.  They’ve been suspended with full pay.  That must really hurt.  Well heck, he was kicking and screaming, so why not?

Hurts like a taser.

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