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Posts Tagged ‘panties’

Here in the callipygian offices of The Curmudgeon, we are appreciative of the female form, all shapes and sizes, and not limited to only desiring one body type. There is much beauty to be seen, if you’d only look with an open mind.

Sumlee Anderson: You've got to admit, that looks mighty interesting!

There are some men however that have a predictilation toward a large posterior, which is fine with me, whatever makes your thermometer rise. But there is now another dangerous trend just now developing. The trend I speak of is Booty Pop Underwear. This is panties that make women appear to have a larger behind than they actually have. The purpose of said panties is arguably to attract men, just like the miracle bra before them.

This is blatant false advertising. Should you find yourselves in a romantic situation, the thing that attracted the man to you in the first place turns out to be an illusion. This can be compared to a man who stuffs his underwear with a pair of socks. The woman think he has a big deli dill pickle and he turns out to have nothing more than a little sweet gherkin. You would not be pleased at the hocus pocus, would you ladies? I think not, so why do you insist on doing the same to men (or maybe to make other women jealous.) I don’t even want to get started on breast enlargements, but at least they’re actually there, real or not. Your new big bottom won’t be, in the same way that your miracle bra’d chest isn’t really there.

Of course the bottom line (Ha! I said bottom) is I don’t really care. It’s kind of funny, both men’s desire for an extra-large bottom and the women that pretend to have them. It wasn’t all that long ago that a big bottom was an object of ridicule. I don’t mind them either. Sometime, I rather like them. There’s just more, you know, and more is a good thing.

I like big butts and I cannot lie,

A big butt can make me cry,

You can do push up and sit ups,

But please don’t loose that butt

Or something like that.

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Photo by mikebaird / flickr

Photo by mikebaird / flickr

Here in the oceanic eco-friendly but not all wet Curmudgeon offices – currently located in the Pacific Northwest with offices over-looking Puget Sound – we have seen our share of spectacular whale tails.  Both the beautiful Orca tail, rising above the water with a playful but dangerous slap back onto the water, but also the illusive land whale tail, that which belongs to human women.  Their tails involve a playful but dangerous slap too, but that’s another fish-out-of-water story.

Ahoy

Ahoy

For those of you who don’t know, we speak not of whale-sized women and their behinds, but rather when the back of a (hopefully) hawt young girl’s g-string or thong appears above the level of her low-rise jeans, much like the whale’s tail appearing above the water’s surface.  This look is said to have  been popularized by Christine Aguilera and Brittany Spears.  In fact, I could have easily included pictures of these two pop tarts, but there are, as they say, lots of whale tails in the sea.

Off the starboard bow!

Off the starboard bow!

I don’t know who first coined the term “whale tail,” but I wish it were me.  It’s clever and funny and, gosh darn it, that’s exactly what they look like.  I must confess that I like the look too.  The fashion.  The statement, which is something like, “wouldn’t you like to dive into this?”  Why…yes Ma’am.  Yes I would.  I kind of get the whole Prince Charles wants to be a tampon thing, too.  I don’t know what that means and I don’t want to find out.  I don’t know why we have certain bizarre fantasies.  I don’t mind looking for their deep-rooted, twisted reasons when it’s your crazy stuff we’re talking about, but when it’s mine…fugeddaboutit.

Moby Dick

Moby Dick

But back to whale tails.  We have this one young woman working here – Asfrid’s her name – who is like a Nordic goddess, all blond hair and creamy softness and steamier than an outdoor jacuzzi in a snow bank.  Asfrid has a whale tail almost every day and they make me want to be Jacques Cousteau.  In search of zee elusive whale tail. Give me a camera, boys…I’m going under. I think I’ll introduce the idea of casual Friday, only we’ll have whale tale Friday.  Or maybe not.  Some guy will complain and want to do plumber’s crack Friday, and that is the opposite of a whale tail.  Unless the girls want to do plumber’s crack Friday…okay, wait.  I’m getting confused.  So many options, so many tails.

No.  I guess I won’t mess with nature.  I reckon I’ll leave it to chance whether the whale tail appears or not, just like the Orca’s glorius, feisty tail.  Didn’t I say we were oceanic eco-friendly here at the Curmudgeon?

Save the Whale…Tail.

A double sighting

A double sighting

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