Here in the lush digs of The Crusty Curmudgeon, all staff must be an animal lover, and people are encouraged to bring their dogs with them. There is doggie day-care, a dog park, and a dog agility course. So you would think we would support PETA. Sometimes, we do, and other times we want to pick PETA up by the collar and slap them silly, saying, “What were you thinking?” And now they’ve done it again.
In Jacksonville, Florida, PETA has erected billboards featuring a cartoon of a fat woman in a bikini on the beach with the slogan: “Save the Whales. Lose the blubber. Go vegetarian.” WTF? This bothers me on many levels, not the least of which is I love my beef, pork, and chicken cooked about every way you can imagine. Nor do I find eating meat as being “cruel” to animals. Personally, I believe that plants feel as much as animals, and scream their bloody pulp out when we yank them from their home turf. Except we can’t hear them due to some glitch in the “nature of things.”
This is not to say I approve of cruelty to animals. I don’t, and have been known to weep during episodes of “Animal Cops.” I guess what I’m thinking is PETA should teach and inspire rather than threaten and embarrass. If you don’t change peoples hearts, you will never stop cruelty to animals. Calling us fat doesn’t work for me.
And why specificaly target women? Are they more susceptible to body image and public ridicule? Are there no fat guys at the beach?
So come over here, PETA, and let me get a hold on your collar. For those of you who want to get into the slapping line, it starts behind me.
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Posted in Skewed News, tagged beach, bird poop, bird poop on beach, buried in sand, contaminated beach, diarrhea, gastrointestinal illness, government study, government waste, polluted beaches, sand castles, stupid grants, the crusty curmudgeon on July 17, 2009|
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Photo by Topato on flickr
Here in Curmudgeon offices, which as regular readers know have been moved to Maui for the summer, we are very familiar with beaches. We often have office parties on the white sand while swimming with the dolphins and enjoying a cold cocktail or two, so we were not surprised that a recent study that concluded: there is bird poop on the beach. Okay. We were moderately surprised, heretofore believing that birds used the toilet just like we do, though that seems silly now. No, what surprised us was that they spent $63,000 dollars on the study.
The joint study conducted by the EPA and University of North Carolina, concluded that “you risk getting an upset stomach and diarrhea if you dig into the granular stuff to fill toy pails, build sand castles or bury yourself. You’re better off walking along the shore or swimming in the surf,” according to the San Diego Union-Tribune.
Okay. So there’s bird poop. What are the dangers? The report said that beach-goers who dig into sand are about 13 percent more likely to suffer from a stomach ailment than those who don’t and they’re about 20 percent more likely to get diarrhea. Burying yourself in sand is even more risky, those folks being up to 24% more likely to have gastrointestinal illness or diarrhea than those who don’t.
Of particular importance is after playing in the sand, to keep your hands away from food or your mouth or to use a hand sanitizer or wash your hands. So no more burying your lover in the sand, kids. You might put them in your mouth later.
What is going on in this world when a kid can’t even play in the sand at the beach without getting sick anymore? No sand castles? Why, that’s un-American. I guess you’ll have to put a sand box in the back yard now and let the kids build their imaginary worlds of sand there. Just one thing:
Keep your cats out of the sandbox.
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