Posts Tagged ‘french president Nicolas Sarkozy’

Here in the mature offices of The Curmudgeon, we are all adults and childish, prudish attitudes are not tolerated.  That’s about the only thing that’s not tolerated.  Sometimes these posts lean to the adult, R rated, though they are actually rather tame.  Such is this one.  Adult oriented, I mean.  So if you are easily offended, you should stop reading right now, but I thank you very much for visiting.
It’s a tragic story, this, but is probably a behavior that many readers here engage in themselves.  A 30 year old nanny has died of a heart attack while enjoying a vibrator and viewing porn on her computer.  The story laid out when the nanny failed to show up for work.  Her employer became alarmed when she also failed to answer her phone, and traveled to her apartment, where a neighbor who had been given a key entered her apartment and found her in bed with a vibrator by her side and porn playing on the radio.  The official cause of death was heart  arrhythmia while pleasuring herself.  In short, death by vibrator.
The anti-porn people will have a field day with this one, using our erstwhile Mary Poppins for the political and religious agenda.  Leave her alone you vultures, you propagandist perpetrators.  Have a little respect for the lady and her healthy activity.  Poor dear probably never had a heart problem in her life.
Tragedy happens to good people too.
(This story was reported in The Sun UK and on The Frisky.  Special thanks to friend Paul Sagan, who tipped me off on this story.)

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French First Lady Carla Bruni   Photo: Villa Grisebach Auktionen, Berlin

French First Lady Carla Bruni Photo: Pamela Hanson

Here in the offices of The Curmudgeon, some female members of the staff might be showing a little skin, but for all practical purposes, they remain fully clothed. If any of them had posed nude at some point and those pictures found their way to the Internet, I would have found them. Not that I’ve looked, you understand.

French President Nicholas Sarkozy

French President Nicholas Sarkozy

Such is not the case for French First Lady Carla Bruni. She was, after all, a professional model before marrying French president Nicolas Sarkozy. The photo in question – Carla Bruni in Bed – is a tasteful black and white soft-focus image of famed photographer Pamela Hanson taken in 1994, and features Bruni draped with white sheets tastefully covering her naughty bits. It’s made me think about many things, including naked pictures of Michele Obama. A little too much, perhaps.

Bidding for the photograph started at $3,380. That seems like a lot, but a

Carla Bruni

Carla Bruni

similar photo of Bruni last year sold for a whopping $91,000 smackeroos, so this final price was a little flaccid. Could interest be waning? Has the novelty that is Carla Bruni faded?

So all this has set my mind rolling. About the difference between Europe and the strangling morality of the United States, about the harmful view of “dirty”sex versus the acceptance of violence, and about naked pictures of Michelle Obama. Can you imagine if a nude picture of Mrs. Obama were to surface. We’d really hear about the antichrist then. Look at what we do to our beauty pageant winners if pictures of her boobies turn up. There would be a donnybrook inside a melee wrapped up in a riot. God forbid our children should see a picture of a naked human body, but violence permeates everything, even Saturday morning cartoons.

Carla Bruni

Carla Bruni

This example of nudity versus violence in media is a tired one, but no less appropriate. Hundreds of years after the pilgrims – who were Puritans, after all – we still structure our society around their repressive rules. They believed in total depravity: That each of us was born full of sin. And never forget, they were driven out of England and Holland.

As for nude photos of French first lady Carla Bruni, I wouldn’t pay you $19.00 for one. Not to insult her, but her pictures are all over the Internet for free.

And she’s just not my type.

Except for the “female” and “naked” part.

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Voodoo doll of French President

Voodoo doll of French President Sarkozy

Voodoo doll of French President Sarkozy

Here at the Crusty Curmudgeon, information comes across our desk from every corner of the globe. Rain or shine, it just keeps coming. The Curmudgeon staff sifts painstakingly through this info to garner only the juiciest, wickedly titillating, system shocking, stomach-churning, digestively disgusting tidbits from the disturbing world in which we live. And most of the time the stuff is so stupid it’s funny.

Hoodoo That Voodoo That You Do

From across the pond in the land of snails, surly cabbies, and ladies who wear no pants, comes this tale of a pissed-off President. An outfit is marketing voodoo dolls of French President Nicolas Sarkozy – himself no stranger to ladies with no pants – which the lucky owner can prick in various body parts and nether regions. There’s no word on whether the indiscriminate pin-sticking actually hurts the President physically, but emotionally, he’s as stewed as a pig-brain cassoulet. Sarkozy demanded a ban on the evil dolls, but a lower court rejected his case citing “the right to humor.” Now an appeals court has concurred, but the judge stuck on this caveat: The dolls must carry a notice saying that pricking them harms the President’s dignity. Those French always were a bunch of pricks.

Law and Disorder

Back on this side of the Atlantic, in a place called Montgomery Township, N.J., a scene familiar all across the US played out in real time on a quiet Thanksgiving evening. A bank alarm goes off. Police respond to the alarm. They witness the figure of a man—a possible suspect—visible through the window blinds inside the bank. A standoff ensues. The area was sealed off. Three nearby apartment buildings were evacuated. Bullhorns roared. Telephone calls were made. There was no answer. There was no response. Having failed to establish contact with the perp, the SWAT (Shocked With A Taser) team is summoned. They stealthily make their way to the entrances, crouching and leap-frogging into the ready position. It was a go!

The SWAT team storms the bank, semi-automatics at the ready. Quickly and skillfully they encircle the perpetrator and…this is where it turns from an episode of The Shield into Car 54 Where Are You. What they had captured was…here it comes…a cardboard cutout! Yes, my friends, twas a cutout of a dude hawking IRAs. Maybe some of those cops should think about getting an IRA or two, cause retirement must be looking pretty good right about now. Watch for further news in Bank Robbing for Cardboard Dummies!

Rosie O’Donnell and Her Thanksgiving Turkey

Bank robberies weren’t the only thing that happened during Thanksgiving. There was truly something to be thankful for. Yes, friends, you’re thinking, “You, Mr. Curmudgeon? You’re thankful?” Yes, even old Curmudgy can feel deeply and even get a tear or two, time to time. Especially in a movie where they kill the dog. My good news is that the new Rosie variety show crashed and burned. Bombed big time. (Hmmm. Voodoo dolls…Rosie…that gives me an idea.) Natch, I didn’t see the show cause I wanted to keep my dinner down, but the reviews concurred that the show stunk up the place. That puts a big smile on my mug. Let’s hope this pushes “The Thing” into forced retirement with an IRA from a cardboard guy in N.J. It’s not that I don’t like Rosie, gosh, I’m sure she’s got her good points, but…it’s just…you know…she’s the Devil’s spawn.

A Whole ‘Nother Ballgame

Rosie is the opposite of sex, which reminds me… it seems the football game between the Minnesota Gophers and the Iowa Hawkeyes got a little boring with the Hawkeyes well on their way to a 55-0 trouncing. A couple of Iowa fans, not to be denied their randy recreation, decided to play ‘hide the bratwurst” in a handicapped stall in the bathroom. The couple—a 38 year-old woman and a 26 year-old man—went at it like a couple of gophers and drew a crowd of drunk, cheering fans. But when anybody is ever having any fun, it’s gonna get penalized by the man and the long..er…arm of the law. The university police—tipped off by a security guard—interrupted the couple and cited them for indecent conduct, off-sides, and backfields in motion. I’m sure these enterprising citizens felt pretty embarrassed, but they hadn’t felt nothin’ yet: The man was released into the custody of his girlfriend and the woman into the custody of her husband. Lucy, you got some splainin’ to do!

Which brings us back to voodoo dolls. I don’t know if they work or not, but I sure would like to give one a try.

Well, the clock has ticked into the wee hours of December and the first snow of the holiday season has begun to fall and blanket the ground, like a harbinger of good will towards men and holiday festivities. We’ve shared poking a doll, poking fun, a pig-in-a-poke, and poking for pleasure. Mmmm. Good times. Old Curmudgy has a tear in his eye…cause he’s gonna have to get up early and shovel snow.

The Crusty Curmudgeon

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