Posts Tagged ‘stupid criminals’

“Empty your car before the thief does it,” Photo by Valla/Flickr, http://www.flickr.com/photos/10318765@N03/2765890678/

Here in the expensively-adorned, thief-worthy offices of The Curmudgeon, we are no strangers to boneheaded burglary attempts.  There was the “Spongebob incident,” where a man posing as a singing telegram attempted to smuggle several large paintings out stuffed under his shirt while he sang, “I Shot the Sherrif.”  He looked like Spongebob.  But this one even made us shake our heads in imperial disbelief: two car thieves called 911 while they were committing the crime.

How it went down was when the two burglars – 19 and 13 years old – began looting from the vehicle, one of the Einsteins hit the auto 911 button on the phone.  A dispatcher answered and listened to their conversation.

“Hello? Hello? What is your emergency?” the 911 dispatcher asks.

“Help,” the criminal said, “Burglary in process!  I’m the dumb ass crook.  I can’t stop my stealin’ ways. Help me stop!  Send backup!”

Well, not exactly.  Instead the bumbling bandits argued over what was worth more and should be stolen, all the while the dispatcher listened, passed the ongoing conversation along to the police, who had already dispatched cars to the scene.

“When I beep the horn it means the cops are on their way, you hear me? You promise you hear me?” the callers’ say.

Hearing the conversation must have been quite interesting to the dispatcher.

“Look in here, in the glove compartment. They have, like, GPSs or something,” says dumbass #1.

“Oh, I didn’t even think about that,” says dumbass #2

“That’s where the GPSs are at,” dumbass #1 replies.

“You got to break the SIM card. Take that SIM card out. They can trace it,” one of the cloddish crooks says. “If there’s nothing there, leave it. Trust me, God always works in mysterious ways. If you be greedy, that’s when you get caught up, alright?”

“That’s right, dumbass # 1,”  said the other, “They would be as stupid as if we called 911 on ourselves!”

“Ha, ha!  That would be really stupid.”

There was also a conversation about Karma.  Appropriate under the circumstances.  They still had the stuff in their hands when cops showed up and arrested them.  How could such an amazing screw-ups happen to these two kids?

Bad karma.

(Some facts were published at WESH.com, the Orlando NBC affiliate.)

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Bet they wouldn't have forgotten to get gas if they were working.

Bet they wouldn't have forgotten to get gas if these gals were working.

Here in the Curmudgeon offices, we have good days and bad days.  This is true of everybody, everywhere, pretty much, and as is often the case, the littlest thing can come along and perk us right up.  Lift our spirits.   Put a smile on our faces.  Stop and smell the roses.  Walk on the sunny side of the street, and other assorted “feel good” axioms.  For me, nothing gets the wrinkles out of my morning like a good bit of irony.

Todays irony comes courtesy of 29 year-old Lonnie Meckwood and 51 year-old Phillip Weeks, of Tunkhannock, NY.  The AP reports that these two ruffians used a knife to rob a clerk at a Convenience store/gas station.  While the clerk wasn’t hurt, you can bet he was s**tting his pants, what with the knife poised and ready to stab him in his gizzard.

The clerk called the cops, as clerks who have been threatened with a gizzard stabbing will do, and the cops were on the case…for a couple of minutes.  They found the ersatz Bennie and Clyde about a mile away…their car on the side of the road.  They had run out of gas just after robbing a gas station.  Did they think they could get a better price somewhere else?

There is no shortage of stupid crooks.  You have the TV shows “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” “Ridiculous Robbers,” “Moronic Muggars,” “Stupid Shit Lawbreakers,” “Thilly Thieves,” and “Wascally Wabbits.”  The lesson they teach is, even if you’re a crook, you can’t get away with “stupid.”

I could have gone with the story of the burglar who used the victims cell phone to make a call…and accidentally took a picture of himself, then left the camera behind, but it was the irony of this story that convinced me.  Well, I’ve eaten a full breakfast and am ready to face the day.

The irony was delicious.

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