Posts Tagged ‘1st amendment’


Here in the friendly confines of the Curmudgeon offices, we are constantly surfing the web looking for tasty morsels to bring to you, our readers. Naturally, we love to point out foibles, inconsistencies and the outrageous, but we’re not exactly looking to throw people in jail. Not so the police who surf sites such as Facebook and Myspace looking for nefarious activities. This is necessary, I suppose, for who can tell what terrorist plots are tweeting through the Internet?

What they found instead was a song called “Kill Me a Cop,” written and produced by Antavio Johnson a few years ago when he was a teenager. Remember the uproar over rap lyrics 20 years ago? Oh, what fun times those were. Ice Cube and N.W.A. were singing “@$&% the Police” as a form of protest and Tipper Gore was talking about putting warning labels on music. So here comes a kid who wants to protest just like the big boys, albeit 15 years later.

Several years after recording it, the cops find the song on Myspace, and in it he waxes philosophic about two police officers who harassed him. In it, Johnson raps, “Im’ma kill me a cop one day.” Unfortunately, he calls the two cops by name – well, nobody ever accused rappers of being smart – and he promised that he would shoot them with a “glock” in the dome” if they ever “get my timing wrong.” The great irony is if you Google the guy’s name he is now a self-proclaimed Christian rapper.

So the cops investigate, and the result is the now 20 year-old Johnson gets two years for threatening a cop. Ok. I’m not going to discuss whether that should be a punishable offense, but two years? For a song that was never even played on the radio? This reeks of “the man” pushing down “the people.” What about all the politicians and pundits who are criticizing the current President of the United States? Are they not guilty of treason? And isn’t treason a hangable offense? Oh, no, no, you say, that’s freedom of speech. Okaaaaay. And this is…what? It is about silencing protest. It’s about denying our basic rights as defined in the Constitution. (Never mind that the kid is already in jail on cocaine charges.) It is about keeping the people down so we can serve the elite and finance their lifestyles while clamoring for a slice of bread.

You may think I am being overly dramatic, but then I say to you that you fail to see the truth. It was unfortunate that the would-be rapper did not have a lawyer and simply plead guilty. At least now publicity over his case has opened discussions, gotten him a lawyer and backing from the ACLU, and he’ll probably get an appeal and a reduced sentence.

So pay attention. The bloodless revolution is coming, and I’ll write more on that and Dropout Nation later, but two years in prison for lyrics in a song?

That’s a bad rap.

(This story was reported by the Orlando Sentinel and other leading news services.)

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depravity-music2As I sit here in the lemony fresh offices of The Curmudgeon (the cleaning lady was in today) I am dejected but not morose.   As you know, I have been writing about Internet memes lately, and a few days ago I came across the most horrible, disgusting, depressing, most likely to “cause you to weep for the state of the human race” Internet meme ever.   I knew this stuff existed, but I never thought I’d be writing about it, and frankly, it depresses me.

I am speaking of 2 Girls and 1 Cup.  It became a meme, and then a rash of reaction video’s were made of people reacting to the video, mainly Grandma’s for chrissake, and those videos became a meme by themselves.  If I was going to write about it, I should watch it, yes?  Although the site on which I read about it did not post the video or a link to it, it wasn’t hard to find, thanks to our quirky and contradictory friends over at Google.  So I googled it, went to a site where the video was posted, and after reading the description of what I was about to see, refused to watch it.  Wouldn’t, couldn’t, didn’t.

But then it ate at me.  It niggled.  Was I not a newsman?  Ever since I was left as a foundling on the steps of Hearst Castle in San Simeon, taken in by the great man himself, and raised by a succession of French, British and Swiss Nannies, which is probably why I have a thing for foreign chicks and their accents, I have lived, eaten and breathed newsman.  In a pinch, a southern, Boston or New York accent will do.  Rosebud or no, Papa, or Big Willie as he liked to be called, raised me to be a newsman.  I would watch the video, damn it!  Though it make me sick, I will watch and report.

As it turns out, the video can no longer be seen, the government getting in on the act with enough force that everyone disabled the video.  Oh, you might be able to find it somewhere, deep in the bowels (pun intended) of the cesspool, but for once, I agreed with the government, and I haven’t even seen it.  Wow.  An example of good censorship.  The first amendment and freedom of speech doesn’t apply, at least not for me, normally a militant  advocate.  Who’d a thunk it?

Likewise, I have aggravated over whether to even describe what is contained in said video.  I will try to do it in a non-offensive way, but alas, I don’t think that’s possible.  I’ll try to be obtuse.  Still, you may not want to read it if you are of delicate mind or sensibilities, or are about to eat.

Ok.  Remember that everything is explicit and nothing is left to the imagination.  It starts with 2 girls and 1 cup.  One of the girls poo-poos into the cup.  Then the girls do things with it that we normally associate with love making, like kissing.  They get sick, but they don’t stop, instead using this new effluent as well.  Why did I decide I must watch it?  Because I wanted  to look into their eyes.  I hoped that by doing so I could answer one question:


Oh God why, why why?  Were they being forced?  Were they so desperate for money that they would engage in this behavior for a little cash?  Were they sickly drug addicts who needed a fix so bad that they would do the most disgusting thing that could be conjured by a diseased mind?  Please, somebody clean these girls up, give them some toothpaste and fix their heads.  As my regular readers know, I am not, inherently, against pornography.  But this?  It’s not really even porn, and yet it is, because there are people who “get off” on watching stuff like this.  Which brings me to the next question.

Why did so many people view this horrid thing that it became a meme in the first place?  Is it just because it is so disgusting that it became popular simply as something to show to unwitting people to catch their reactions on video, many of whom throw up themselves?  When birds regurgitate into their offspring’s mouths to provide them nourishment, that is nature.  This is not nature, but a gross perversion of it.

I have included one of the more popular reaction video, but why someone would do that to their grandmother is beyond me as well.  It can give you an idea of what watching it might be like, and it is pretty funny even without having seen the actual video.

To sum it up in one word:  “Depravity.”  That’s what it is…depravity.

2 Girls 1 Cup Reaction Video – Grandma Marlene

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Or is that “watch your fingers?” Nothing scares us around the offices of The Crusty Curmudgeon more than news of “the man” cracking down on the freedom of speech on the Internet. Not that we have ever disparaged anybody. Well, OK, a few celebrities, but they’re famous and they asked for it. But, you never know when we might want to lay into the car repair guy down the street or that rude checkout chick at the grocery, Yolanda, I think her name is– what a cretin bitch!–which is why we’re all a little twitchy today.

Cyber-bullying they called it. Just the other day, the woman from the “MySpace Cyber-bully Case” was only convicted on three counts of the lesser offense of accessing a computer without authorization on account of of she violated the MySpace Terms of Service. It’s a sad, sad thing that happened to that girl, but I don’t know if the mother is responsible for her death any more than J.D. Salinger is responsible for the death of John Lennon (Mark David Chapman had a copy of the book Catcher In the Rye in his back pocket at the time of the shooting).

Now comes this: In Colorado, A man has been charged with criminal libel for making unflattering comments about his former lover and her attorney. Seems he “suggested” she was trading sex for legal services. Normally, libel is a civil case, but Colorado has an antiquated 1800’s era statute that allows prosecution for speech “tending to blacken the memory of one who is dead” or to “expose the natural defects of one who is alive, and thereby to expose him to public hatred, contempt or ridicule.” Holy tort! It doesn’t even matter if what you say is true or even if the person is dead. They can still get you. She could have really been boinking for briefs and IT DOESN’T MATTER. Criminal libel carries a punishment of up to 18 months in prison just for shooting your mouth off. Now you know why we’re all twitchy around here.

Steve Zansberg, a Denver attorney specializing in first amendment law, said prosecutors seeking criminal libel cases could have a “chilling” effect on free speech in Colorado, particularly over the Internet.

It could be you (I saw what you wrote last summer). Do you know what outdated, moronic statutes are buried deep in the books where you live, just waiting for an over-zealous cop or an ambitious (and I mean that in the Shakespearean sense) prosecutor to come along and start swinging their dicks? So beware, my friends. You’d better keep you fingers shut. Even the dead can get you. Damn zombies!

The Shameless Self-Promotion Section

Which got me wondering about other trouble I could get into. I recently wrote a satirical piece about growing penicillin in your refrigerator and using it to cure yourself and your children of illnesses. Because of the way I had worked references and links into the piece, it had an air of authority in spite of it’s absurdity, even concluding that you could sell your homegrown penicillin on the black market. Some intelligent people thought that some of it was the truth, and then the inevitable question of what if some kid read it, thought it was true, and ate a big hand-full of mold? Could I be held liable if he got really sick or died? It was enough of a fear that I added a disclaimer, which is pretty damn hysterical all by itself. If you’d like to read it go to Make Home Grown Penicillin: Don’t Clean Out That Refrigerator. It’s funny.

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