Here in the Curmudgeon offices, seekers but not preachers, we are as susceptible to those email jokes that go round and round and on their “routerly way,” and I can say that some are funnier than others. The one about the “Church Sign” debate on whether or not dogs went to heaven, to whether or not dogs have souls, was at least highly amusing, if not slap-your-thigh-spit-up-your-soda funny. The Catholic church says yes while the Presbyterians say no. I say to them, “have you ever had a dog?”
The humorous drama played out in a series of “church signs.”
A fairly funny theological battle of the religious wits (or nit wits.) Since our research department has been out of the office for….oh…4 months now, I am reduced to doing the research, which means research is flawed. That is to say, the research sucks. But here is what I did: I first looked up “Cumberland Presbyterian Church” and learned that Cumberland is a kind of Presbyterian church and there are many buildings across the country that are called this. So too are there several “Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic” churches.” I was unable to prove if two of these existed in the same southern town.
So then I studied the pictures. Each picture is the exact same angle with the exact same shadows. Quite simply…impossible. They are fake. One picture of each church sign was photographed and the letters added later, probably with a simple “Church Sign Generator” on the Internet. So why write this? Because I did all this crappy research and I gotta use it somewhere. Plus, I think it is worthwhile to discuss whether or not dogs have souls and go to heaven. Another interesting question is why we find this sort of bickering amongst churches so likely?
Of course they do. They smile. They save your life. If you were to die in your home and not be discovered right away, your dog would guard you. Conversely, your cat will eat you, ergo, cats do not have souls or go to heaven. (Just kidding. Cats do have souls, their’s are just dirty, rotten souls.)
But you don’t have to take my word for it.
During an interview for the Denver Post, animal behaviorist Marc Bekoff, professor emeritus at the University of Colorado, Boulder, said “If we have souls, our animals have souls. If we have free choice, they have it,” Bekoff said. “If we can’t know this for sure, let’s give them the benefit of a doubt.”
I may be a Curmudgeon emeritus, but that guy is a professor emeritus. I’ll take his word for it, not that I need to. Like I said, if you’ve ever had a dog, you know.
Besides, dog spelled backwards is God.
Of course dogs go to heaven. Who else would the cats pick on?
Hey Paul. Why, the cats would pick on their owners corpses, of course. They are picky eaters. Thanks for stopping by and the comment.
Here is what I have read……when you go to heaven every single dog you have ever loved in your whole life will be there to greet you. Right there at the entrance. Your cats, too. Your birds. Your fish. Actually, all God’s creatures great and small who have blessed your life and you their’s will be there. Love abounds!
I have to agree. “All God’s Creatures,” and all that. Terribly egotistical of us to think God loves us more, so yes, if there is a heaven, I agree with you that they go to heaven too (are you sure about cats though?) Thank you for the comment.
Looks like it’s time for Billy Collins’ poem, “The Revenant.”
I am the dog you put to sleep,
as you like to call the needle of oblivion,
come back to tell you this simple thing:
I never liked you–not one bit.
When I licked your face,
I thought of biting off your nose.
When I watched you toweling yourself dry,
I wanted to leap and unman you with a snap.
I resented the way you moved,
your lack of animal grace,
the way you would sit in a chair to eat,
a napkin on your lap, knife in your hand.
I would have run away,
but I was too weak, a trick you taught me
while I was learning to sit and heel,
and–greatest of insults–shake hands without a hand.
I admit the sight of the leash
would excite me
but only because it meant I was about
to smell things you had never touched.
You do not want to believe this,
but I have no reason to lie.
I hated the car, the rubber toys,
disliked your friends and, worse, your relatives.
The jingling of my tags drove me mad.
You always scratched me in the wrong place.
All I ever wanted from you
was food and fresh water in my metal bowls.
While you slept, I watched you breathe
as the moon rose in the sky.
It took all of my strength
not to raise my head and howl.
Now I am free of the collar,
the yellow raincoat, monogrammed sweater,
the absurdity of your lawn,
and that is all you need to know about this place
except what you already supposed
and are glad it did not happen sooner–
that everyone here can read and write,
the dogs in poetry, the cats and the others in prose.
Now that’s a poem. Nuff said.
These signs sure look like they were created at http://www.says-it.com/churchsigns
Undoubtedly. Thank you for providing the link. Now to find the creator of this brilliant bit!
You know it is just too bad these signs are fake. Wouldn’t it be great if these two churches (not these two in particular but representing their species in general) could actually take a step back and have a little fun at their own expense. God forbid they would have the sense to laugh at themselves once in a while. I guess that’s why we have dogs. They make us laugh, at least mine does, every day. I am afraid he has made a better representative of God then most religious fundamentalists I have come across.
Oh, gotta go lightning is striking, I better go sit close to my dog!
I couldn’t agree more! A sense of humor is a gift!
Real or not, this is some epic trolling!
[…] good, cause if my dog ain’t goin’, I ain’t showin’. Reminds me of the “Do Dogs Get Into Heaven” church sign debate I proved in that article that the whole thing was faked, but so darn […]
Thanks for the info, I was telling a friend about this the other day and they asked if it was real… I told them I would do research but am glad you did it 🙂 I still think it is very humorous 🙂
Radiant Barrier: Yes, I was interested in that very thing, and you’re right, it’s very clever. Excellent writing and great photo illustrations. Thanks for the comment!
No problem. I’ve been sending my friends to your page and they are all laughing about it… Some haven’t heard about it just yet…
Hey RB. Thanks for sending your friends this way. Send more of them! Ha!
Dogs annoy me – that’s basically a euphemism for saying thay ‘they scare the holy shit outa me’. I don’t know if they’d be admitted into heaven or not but I , for myself, feel that they shouldn’t be admitted in my heaven lest you wanna see me protesting against it and having a one on one with the Big Guy. Bye the way, the big guy is sorta scary , if you have a one on one with him, you know. And I think he would have special affi-li-ation with dogs , being the ‘vice versa namesakes’ – if you know what I mean.
Stoopid.
P.S. How’s it going Harry?
Razmataz! How you doon? Wassa matter, Snazzy Nazzy? You scared of puppy dogs? They sense your fear, you know, and it pisses them off. That’s why they want to eat you for breakfast. Hope you feelin’ groovy!
Funny thing about those signs is that Wm. F. Buckley, in his book Nearer My God, says that his (Catholic) priest told him as a child that animals would not go to heaven. I’ve also heard a Reformed minister say the same.
We Baptists respectfully disagree. If there are horses in heaven (Rev. 19:11-14), why not dogs? Maybe, as one comment says, the dogs God’s children have loved on earth. I think the story of the Velveteen Rabbit might be a great Christian parable; just as Christ’s love has given us eternal life, our love might give eternal life to the innocent animals we’ve loved.
Mostly I know the animals I’ve loved will be in heaven because I know that God is good and He loves me.
Oh….I would be so disappointed if I got there and found out none of my faithful companions from the past where not there. How can you call it heaven? I would be so disappointed that I would feel like I was in hell.
Reminds me of the story of the guy who dies and he’s walking along with his dog and stops by what promises to be heaven and they are ready to let him in but he asks if his dog can have some water before they enter. They tell him no, dogs are no allowed in heaven. So he walks on and when he comes across another “angel” who promises him entrance to heaven he asks again about his dog and they say of course. He says well how come the guy down the road said they were heaven, too? And the true heaven angel tells him that it was really hell.
Fwiw, not only are the photos “of the exact same angle with the exact same shadows,” but the cars in the backgrounds of the Catholic church photos are identical in each photo.
Yes. There’s lots of clues if you look for them.
DO DOGS GO TO HEAVEN?
Dogs like all other animals DO in fact have a soul.
Humans unlike animals were created in God’s image and therefore are a three part being: Body, Soul and Spirit.
I believe that most animals but especially dogs which are considered to be man’s best friend have an even superior soul than do humans and before your start throwing rocks at me, let me explain the reason for my reasoning, here it goes:
Humans who are not INDWELT by God’s spirit, are the most deplorable of all of God’s creation, didn’t God Himself say He was sorry that He created man? Whether dogs go to heaven or not, we don’t know, what we do know is that SOULISH humans will not.
END OF DEBATE.
While I am not prepared to accept (or discount) your assertions about God, I do agree with the rest as a basic premise.
DO DOGS GO TO HEAVEN?
Dogs like all other animals DO in fact have a soul.
Humans unlike animals were created in God’s image and therefore are a three part being: Body, Soul and Spirit.
I believe that most animals but especially dogs which are considered to be man’s best friend have an even superior soul than do humans and before your start throwing rocks at me, let me explain the reason for my reasoning, here it goes:
Humans who are not INDWELT by God’s spirit, are the most deplorable of all of God’s creation, didn’t God Himself say He was sorry that He created man? Whether dogs go to heaven or not, we don’t know, what we do know is that SOULISH humans will not.
END OF DEBATE.
if i make my dog lick my balls, will we both go to hell? what if we both repent and go to heaven? that would be akward
Um, I don’t know. You’d better ask Fatima up there.
Well since you asked, if you make your dog lick your balls you are being cruel to animals, you are going to hell and your friends will have an even more tragic future for they will be forced to CHEW ON YOUR BALLS for ever, and forever and forever, what a nightmare, don’t you think? you’d better go to the humane society and get neutered, this may be the least painful solution in the long run.
I don’t know if that’s Anonymous or Fatima, but I think it’s a good and sober answer to your query, El Viejo.
Utterly delightful coverage of the “Do Dogs go to Heaven?” sign hoax debate. You quite made my day. Many thanks and D-g…er… I mean G-d bless!
[…] to others. But many Internet memes are also about shock-value and drama (e.g. Angry German Kid, Dogs Go to Heaven). Other memes are urban myths that tout some kind of life lesson (e.g. The Littlest Fireman, Mel […]
God our lord is going to ride down on a white horse so what makes us thank that doges dont go to heaven because they well and you all well, see that the ;animales ones talked to adam and eve and so ;therefor i thank that there is a chance that they well go thanks and god bless to all that reads this post
Its fake but funny
opinions are like a-holes, everyones got one
Get over it
The End
Here,s one for you to ponder, ….cats, dogs cows chickens, HUMANS all DONT have souls, this is a truth…. they dont “HAVE” souls…They “ARE” souls When God breathed into Adams nostrils the breath of life (His breath) Adam (man) “BECAME” a LIVING SOUL, so he IS a souls, not “HAS” a soul…clear hey !!!
clearly fake. Same cars parked on the left of the sign in every Catholic Church one.
Genesis 9: 5 God says He will demand an accounting from every animal.
And in 9:8 God makes a covenant with Noah AND every living creature. How can he demand an accounting and make a covenant with souless beings. Dogs DO have souls and will go to heaven.
My dog will go to heaven. My neighbor’s dog will not. He’s mean.
Horses in heaven? Dogs and cats with souls? Dolphins saving us in the pools and streams? Some questions deserve some common sense.
Will there be pigs bathing in the mud off the angels’ boots? Sure, why not? Them too.
What about the rats who carried the Black plague? Uhh… Probably. The plague wasn’t exactly their fault, was it?
Sharks who kill swimmers? Bears who kill hikers? Hippos who kill river-goers? I don’t know… we’re kind of intruding on their territories.
Clouds of malarial mosquitoes passing through the pearly gates? Hmm… I’ll have to think about that one.
Tapeworms? And there’s where I feel safe saying I’m not sure…
Anthrax viruses? No, there’s where I say I’m not sure. Are viruses even alive…?
So much wrong comes from animals as well as from people. I think if we say that it’s possible for them to wind up in heaven, then it’s possible for them to wind up elsewhere too. And as the dog poem implies, the best liar seems the best of friends. I think the only thing we know for sure is that we don’t know. It’s only faith that says my cat will be up there waiting for me.
That said, I do hope God has put some rolling forests with rocks and trees and waterfalls to explore. Pools filled with toads and pond-striders, whirligig beetles and pollywogs. Vast plains with herds of buffalo; mountainsides thick with robins’ nests and ripe apples; deer thickets among the blackberry bushes in boggy knolls. Clouds of flies that do not bite, shining dragonflies and soft butterflies, gentle snakes gliding through slippery grass. Heaven would be so boring if it were nothing but clouds.
Dogs go to Heaven? This begs the question: Does God value all his/her creation? If God is anything, God is a creator. Surely Heaven is not an exclusive club, but rather a culmination of – all – creation; a perfect oneness with God. So do dogs go to heaven?
I’d like to think so…but I don’t really know….or do I?
Whada ya mean, “Is it ‘real’?”
It is what it is. That alone makes it “real”.
Yeah. It’s real something.
My kitty has a sweet, fluffy, little soul and if she isn’t welcome in heaven, I don’t want to go either… =’.’= 😉
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” ~ Will Rogers
[…] to others. But many internet memes are also about shock-value and drama (e.g. Angry German Kid, Dogs Go to Heaven). Other memes are urban myths that tout some kind of life lesson (e.g. The Littlest Fireman, Mel […]
go to your google browser and type in: the rainbow bridge.
Reblogged this on iteogu and commented:
Taken from Netforbeginners.com, this follows the debate on who has a soul and what doesn’t. Different denominations of Christianity have theirs and this plays out on the signboards each one has in front of their respective buildings.
[…] to others. But many internet memes are also about shock-value and drama (e.g. Angry German Kid,Dogs Go to Heaven). Other memes are urban myths that tout some kind of life lesson (e.g. The Littlest Fireman, Mel […]
Interesting debate, but what I find more interesting, is that there is no Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church across the street from the Beulah Cumberland Presbyterian Church…Or even one in the state of Pennsylvania. The closest one I found was in Spring Hills, NY. Not exactly across the street.
I came here to disprove the signs and found the debate. Fun times! I love debates as such. It is quite an easy thing to put to rest, no matter what denomination you are. Dogs (and all living creatures, and all non-living things for that matter) are part of God’s creation. They are part of the created order. Period. God calls his creations good. We are also told that all of Creation shall be redeemed. If it was created, it will be redeemed. Therefore, dogs (and everything else under the sun) will be redeemed.
Although I would like to have a word with him before he goes and drags snakes, spiders and mosquitoes into heaven……just sayin’
Nahhhh, doesn’t work that way … ALL will be redeemed. Think of it this way, without the snakes, spiders and mosquitoes we wouldn’t enjoy the other stuff as much … maybe, a “balanced diet” would be a good metaphor (simile?), i.e., frosting might not be so good without a little fiber to help process the load.
I like cats and dogs but cats have rotten souls? cause they eat humans if they die in the house?it’s survival instinct, the humans that planecrashed in the andes in 1972 after a few days to survive they started to eat the dead . and i’ve never heard that a cat killed an human, but i’ve heard alot about dogs killing humans.. so i think that everyone has rotten souls then..
Look closely at the background in the picture of Our Lady’s sign. Two cars parked there never change position throughout the conversation. Neither do the shadows, nor the leaves of th trees.
Laughing out loud at the ridiculousness of it all. Obviously photoshopped signs but hell funny! 🙂
I just had someone send me this series of pictures with the heading “it is amazing that it actually happened!” Being a cranky, entirely-skeptical pastor, I was suspect. I have been around the computer world long enough that I can smell a hoax a mile away… but to reaffirm my suspicions, I Googled it. Yup. I agree that this is fake… but kinda fun. I will say that, as usual, the Presbyterians are right. When do the Baptists weigh in????
Woof! when I die, I hope to see my best buddies (previously passed away) and current, right there with me..they were always part of my life, made me happy, and hope to be with them in the forever after. belief in heaven =happiness, and my pets made me enjoy life more than if I had not had them!
Amen.
to Linda Em — I also remember that story. It was on a charming episode of The Twilight Zone named “The Hunt”.