Here in the dog lovin’ offices of The Curmudgeon, writing about dogs is not uncommon. We’ve written about hero dogs, abused dogs, well, lots of stuff about man’s best friend. So we were tummy-tickled when the following news item came over the wire: In Danvers, Mass, Calvary Episcopal Church will begin offering a mass for dogs.
It’s about time. Now your heathen dog can be saved. In fact, that’s the whole point. The “Perfect Pet Paws Ministry” will give canine critters and their owners improved odds of getting into heaven. That’s good, cause if my dog ain’t goin’, I ain’t showin’. Reminds me of the “Do Dogs Get Into Heaven” church sign debate I proved in that article that the whole thing was faked, but so darn funny it was worth publishing. Now the Episcopalians have put it their two cents: Dogs can go to heaven, but they gotta pray first.
The mass will offer communion for the humans, and doggie treats for the pooches. Even the misbehaving dogs who for disciplinary purposes won’t be allowed in the mass can have their owners submit a paper requesting a special prayer to be said for their soul. Owners can request prayers for any type of pet, so even evil cats have a chance at salvation. And the dogs will actually have a say in the mass, since barking won’t be banned. So, if the dogs really get into it, they can shout out things like, “Praise the Lord!” and “Amen!” Though presumably they’ll cry out in doggie language.
My guess is the dog mass will be packed, because it will be hysterical, and the people will come. The church will rake in the holy dough in their collections baskets. Heck, it could even get me back into a church, at least a couple of times, to view the spectacle.
I have just one question about the whole affair:
When the collection basket is being passed, what will the dogs leave as an offering?
(Information from: The Salem News http://www.salemnews.com/ )