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Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.” – Woody Allen

Here in the extravagant offices of the Crusty Curmudgeon, where the walls are thin and the staff is loud, some employees were overheard discussing this titillating topic. I began to ponder why people smoke after sex. Apparently we have nothing better to do around here than ponder things and talk about sex..

For one thing, smoking after a physical activity (not that I would know from personal experience) is always better. You’re totally relaxed. All that heavy breathing kind of cleans out the lungs and the smoker wants to put smoke back in it. It feels good. After sex feels good too, so it’s normal to try to increase the pleasure with a cigarette. I suggest this is the primary reason people smoke after sex – besides doing it too fast that is.

This theory is supported by Richard Klein, author of Cigarettes Are Sublime and quoted on Time magazine’s website:

“Cigarettes, he says, present benefits, universally acknowledged by society. These benefits are connected with the release and consolation that cigarettes provide, with the the mechanism they offer for regulating anxiety and for mediating social interaction.”

Uh…yea. I think he means it feels good.

So there you have it. Another of life’s little mysteries cleared up. And tomorrow class, we’ll discuss the larger question: “Why Do People Have Sex.” And you might be asked to participate in a scientific study.

Jaques of the Curmudgeon staff responds:

jaques-french-man Bonjour! In France, we love our cigarettes with zee passion. Do za French smoke after zee rapports sexuels? We French smoke during zee rapports sexuels!

To all my female fans,  Jaques loves you as  zee moon loves zee lover!

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