Here in the offices of The Curmudgeon, the big boss (that’s me) doesn’t tolerate lawsuits against Crusty Curmudgeon Enterprises, hereinafter referred to as The Company. As an example, when an employee stormed into my office claiming his stapler was faulty, which caused a puncture wound to the alleged victim, hereinafter referred to as “azzole,” and he threatened to sue The Company, I took the alleged faulty stapler from him and stapled his tongue to the alleged roof of his mouth. Primarily because he was way stupid.
Now, in Dover, N.H., a high-school student named Dubois, probably the unfortunate offspring of the aforementioned “azzhole,” attached a clamp to one nipple while a second student attached a clamp to the other nipple, and a third student plugged it in. The shock was so severe his heart stopped and Dubois now claims he suffered permanent brain damage. I contend he demonstrated he already had brain damage.
Now he – and his money-grubbing parents – are suing the teacher, the school, and the city of Dover. I had never imagined a lawsuit arising from a Three Stooges routine. While people named Dubois have famously “always depended on the kindness of strangers,” this branch of the family is depending on everyone else to make them rich.
Their claim is that the teacher failed to warn the stupids…er…students…about the dangers of electricity. What’s next, teachers will have to warn all students about the dangers of jamming pencils into their eyeballs? Besides, aren’t the dangers of electricity something parents are supposed to teach their kids from the time they are babies? But I guess it wouldn’t pay to sue themselves. They have ruined that teacher’s life and they should be ashamed (plus the whole family should have clamps attached to their nipples and plugged in, but that only happens in Crusty’s world.)
Of course, there’s an attorney who agreed to this farce and that’s why lawyers are so often despised. Fact is, there are some good lawyers out there, and when you need one, well…I hope you get one.
If there’s a God in heaven, or a decent judge on the bench, this case will be thrown out of court and the family and attorney given a stiff fine for filing a frivolous lawsuit.
Now that would be shocking.
(Information for the story came from WTOP.com and AP.)