Here in the sensible offices of The Crusty Curmudgeon, we do not engage in dangerous activities, so far as I know. We have heard of a recent fad by teenagers that has, frankly, troubled us. Teenagers will invent fads, things their parents never thought of. They will push the envelope, and are, to their own minds, indestructible. So it was for me and it was for you too, so let us not preach to the teenagers today, but try instead to understand their warped little mind.
That being said, sometimes our knowledge and experience is often actually valuable, but the difficulty lies in convincing teenagers of this fact, which doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. We should, but tread gently. The disturbing phenomenon I speak of is the new affectation adopted by teenagers of biting and bloodsucking to demonstrate love. Most teenage behavior is influenced by movies, television, music, and pop culture. So it is with biting. The vampire craze is responsible. In our day, the preferred method was the hickey, which was the sucking on skin until a red welt was left marking the spot, and the person, the object of our love and desire, and in a very real way, designated our ownership of the person.
But hickeys weren’t dangerous, just annoying. The swallowing and exchanging of blood is downright dangerous behavior. It’s risky business. This is making the swallower at high risk for Hepatitis, Syphilis, and God forbid, HIV. Without preaching, are you prepared to die for this demonstration of love? I’m sorry to tell you you aren’t invincible, as we weren’t before you, even though we too thought we were. That is why we can’t preach at you. We can’t tell you what to do, you’ll just do it anyway to spite us. All we can do is try to make you understand what we have learned and hope it makes an impact on you.
Unfortunately, the dangers do not end there. The mouth contains 10 to 15 billion bacteria. It is a very simple matter to infect the bitee with a general blood infection, for which the standard treatment is tetanus shots.
So teenagers, what are the pros and cons of biting? Do you feel the cons outweigh the pros, or vice versa? We can’t make up your mind for you, but hopefully you will consider all your options and make the best choice. I am sorry to say, the right choice is it’s not worth the risk. But only you can decide. Think about it, please.