Here in the athletic offices of The Curmudgeon, many of the office staff are engaged in sports. It is unlikely that anyone is good enough to compete professionally, including yours truly, Crusty. But now an event comes in which even I might compete.
The event takes place in Swaton England. This is the sixth time the event has taken place and includes athletes from many countries, meticulously trained, of incredible strength and agility, their bodies fine-honed to perfection, the very essence of superhuman musculature, intelligence, and virility. England and Germany are expected to draw the most attention, their fierce rivalry stretching back to World War II. The competition? Egg throwing. That’s right. Tossing the little white orbs that come from chickens and taste delicious.
Other teams represent the Dutch, Americans, and Welsh persons. The most extreme competition involve a medieval siege machine resembling a catapult called a trebechet. Teams launch their eggs at a human target 390ft (120m) away at speeds of 100mph (161kph). The human target is himself an accomplished athlete, superior to other humans, Joel Hicks, the world gravy wrestling champion. He won his title in Lancashire by overcoming his opponent in a 200-litre vat of chicken gravy.
- The egg throwing event involves a two-person team throwing a raw egg between them as far as possible without breaking it.
- The static egg relay involves 11-person teams passing a dozen raw eggs from person to person along a 100m route.
- The egg target throwing event involves a human target and points are awarded for distance and accuracy.
- The eggs shot from the trebuchet can travel at speeds of 100mph (161kph) and points are awarded for hitting a human target.
Safety is taken very seriously. Competitors wear eye protection and an orange cape. It’s not all just serious competition. Proceeds go to Leukemia Research, Lincolnshire Air Ambulance and other charities.
(Some information for this story came from BBC news.)