Here in The Curmudgeon edifice, we are what you might call a “flashy” group, but we are not flashers, at least not that I know of. That is to say nobody has been caught. Of course I am not counting our yearly Mardi Gras celebration, where there is some flashing, but the wholesome, feminine kind. Not so for an act perpetrated on a public New Zealand bus.
A man showed his New Zealand sausage roll to a female bus passenger, who did what any modern, intelligent, progressive woman would do. She screamed. She screamed bloody murder. She wouldn’t stop screaming. So what does a bus driver do with an hysterical screaming woman aboard? In New Zealand, he alters his course and drives straight to the nearest police station. Only by the time the driver gets there, he is nervous and panicky, so when he opens the bus door and gets up, he forgets to put the bus in neutral. Well, the crazy lady is still screaming, so he can perhaps be excused this temporary lapse in caution. The bus is not so forgiving however, and it lurches forward and crashes into the police station entrance.
The interesting thing is the flasher was just 14 years-old, so it probably wasn’t a sausage roll, or even a banger, but more like a little sweet gherkin. The woman reacted absolutely wrong. What she should have done—and I’m telling all females this–laugh your ass off. Oh, yes. Laugh, laugh, point at it, laugh. Now I don’t know what kind of a reaction a flasher wants in a woman, but I think it’s probably along the lines of shock and awe. I can guarantee he doesn’t want her to laugh. No man wants that. No man can stand that. Indeed, that gherkin would have retracted back into his pants like a turtle’s head back into its shell.
Police charged the 14 year-old alleged flasher with pulling out an indecent act…er, I mean…carrying out an indecent act.
All this trouble because one stupid kid whipped out his alleged hot dog.
Wait. It wasn’t a hot dog. It more like a Little Smokey. Now that’s a scream.
(Some information for this story from The New Zealand Herald.)