Here in the heroic but not Homeric offices of the Curmudgeon, we approve of citizens doing what they can to thwart crime -when it harms another person – believing that if everyone got involved, that there would be a lot less of it. Crusty practices what he preaches, having gone so far as making a citizen’s arrest on the streets of New York City where the wild things are.
So we were shocked – shocked, I say – to hear the story of Jim Nicholson who worked at a Key Bank in Seattle. As reported by the Associated Press, a man attempted to rob the bank by demanding money, but Nicholson grabbed at him and the man ran. Nicholson ran too. He tackled the guy several blocks away and held him until police arrived.
Hero? Man of the hour? I’m afraid not. The robbery incident happened on Tuesday, and he was fired on Thursday. Nicholson said he understands the bank’s policy that employees comply with robbery demands and avoid dangerous confrontations, but says his instincts took over. I know what he means. That’s what happens with us superheroes.
The pussies at Key Bank declined to comment, so I will comment for them: “We are big wussies here at Key Bank. We welcome all bank robbers to come in and do business with us. Bring weapons if you like, but really all you need is a note. And don’t forget to take a free toaster!”
Okay, so the Seattle police and the FBI advise against tellers taking any action. In the article, police Sgt. Sean Whitcomb says, “they should be good witnesses and comply with demands unless their personal safety is in jeopardy.” Did you read that correctly? Don’t do anything until it escalates to the point where you are probably going to get killed, then do something about it, after it’s already too late. Under no circumstances try to stop it when you actually have a chance, before you are looking down the barrel of the gun.
I find the banks firing of this man unacceptable. I am calling for a National Boycott of Key Bank. Your money is not safe there. Close your account and move it to someplace else. Best to move it out of Seattle. Furthermore, I call on all bank robbers to immediately begin robbing Key Banks willy nilly. After all, you couldn’t be safer. And surely, word of this has reached all the other banks in Seattle, so feel free to rob them too. If fact, rob all the banks in Seattle. It’ll be easy.
Tell ’em Sgt. Whitcomb sent you.
To see the Associated Press story, go here.