Here in the Curmudgeon offices we appreciate a good wiener. I generally have them grilled nowadays, but I’ll always have an empty spot in my stomach for a New York City Street Dog with kraut on a steamed bun. Mmm…now that’s fine dining, and there’s nothing more American than a delicious juicy hot dog.
Perhaps this is one reason why the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile captures our interest. Plus it’s just darn funny to see a giant wiener driving around on the streets. For fans of advertising and promotion, the cleverness of the thing is a study in advertising basics, and harkens back to the old days of sandwich boards and Burma Shave.
And so the offices of the Curmudgeon were all abuzz when we heard the tragic news: the wienermobile had crashed into a house. Oh my gawd! Was it alright? Had it been damaged? Did they rush it by emergency towing vehicle to the wienermobile hospital shop? Forget the driver, that human moron, tell me how the wienermobile is!
The report came in. The wienermobile was fine. A few broken bones and a mild case of shock, but after a weeks rest in the hospital shop, it would roll along the streets again, thrilling children and amusing adults. Okay. Whew. Now, who so carelessly drove the wienermobile into a building? Give me his name. Surely that was the most incompetent handling of a wiener…uh oh. The identity of the driver came over the wire. It was a woman.
Don’t they know you can’t put a woman in charge of guiding the wiener? Maybe she thinks the wiener is only interested in her buns, or perhaps she thinks she’s being used, nothing more than a chauffeur – albeit a dangerous one – who does no more than provide a parking space for the wiener. Well heck, that would piss anybody off. You might crash the wienermobile into a brick wall too. I think it best to let a man guide the wienermobile in the future. At least you know he’s not going to smash it and hurt it.
And remember, all you wienermobiles out there…if a woman is handling you, be sure to wear your condiments.
(Note: I am sure the wienermobile is a difficult vehicle to drive and this story is not meant to perpetuate the stereotype of “bad women driver’s.” Anyone might have stepped on the gas instead of the brakes. Right?)
This story was first reported by WITI-TV in Racine, WI.