Here in the aesthetically pleasing offices of The Curmudgeon, there are several attractive women who are bewitching but not witches. That’s a good thing because I’d hate to lose one of them to this job offer that just came across my evil desk. In Wookey Hole, Somerset, England, they are looking for one good witch.
Famous for it’s beautiful limestone caves, Wookey Hole features a family theme park, and they want someone to play a witch at the park for a cool £50,000 ($81,000) per year to cackle at visitors and teach a few magic courses. Hey, that sounds like good money. According to local legend there really was a witch who loved in the caves during the middle ages, and being unlucky in love herself, cursed a young couple so they could never marry. Hmmm, sounds like Crusty’s mother-in-law.
The young man was so despondent that he swore revenge and ran off and became a monk, which is the same thing Crusty did. Then one day he crept back into the cave, blessed the river that ran through it, and then splashed the blessed water on the witch, and we all know that wicked witches and water don’t mix. This one turned into a stalagmite which can be seen to this day. So all in all, it sounds like a pretty cushy job, with this one catch: the hired witch has to actually live in the caves.
Why in the world does she have to live in the caves? Can’t she live in an apartment and just show up at 8:00AM? Does she get an apartment in the caves, or does she have to sleep on the ground? So many details, and until they get them ironed out, I don’t suppose I’ll be losing any staff. I don’t think any of them would be leaving anyway.
I put a spell on ’em.