Archive for July 3rd, 2009


Here in the swank digs of The Curmudgeon, some of the staff members admit to enjoying sex that is…um…shall we say, exuberant.  Such was the case in Torrington, Connecticut when a teenage girl overheard her mother’s screams during sex, thought she was being assaulted, rounded up some of her friends, and beat the dickens out of him with a baseball bat and their fists.

The mother denies this account, stating that she wasn’t screaming and it must have been slaps that the daughter heard.  Curiouser and curiouser.  So….what?  Rough sex?  Who was slapping who and where were they being slapped?  On the face?  On the buttocks?  Cause slapping the face is a whole different porn film from the slapping on the buttocks one.

Unfortunately, the guy didn’t even have time to explain himself, and he was treated for a black eye and assorted bruises and 4 of the teens were arrested and charged with assault.  There’s something fishy going on here.  At least one mystery has been solved: the mystery of why the woman hasn’t been laid in 3 years.  When lovemaking (and I use the term loosely) culminates with being beaten by an angry mob of teens swinging bats, well, let me say from personal experience, that makes a fella think twice.  I have an important question though: is that before or after orgasm?

Like I said, there’s something we’re not being told and a judge has sealed the record.  The Curmudgeon must get to her bottom…er….THE bottom of this, so stay tuned.  I will watch this story throughout the day and bring you updates as they are released by the coppers.

And ladies, I end with this word of advice:  Save the beating for the third date.  You wouldn’t want the guy thinking you are a masochist or something.

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