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Archive for June 17th, 2009

Tricked Out Wheelchair

Tricked Out Wheelchair

Here in the opulent offices of The Curmudgeon, we are creaky but not arthritic.  This is not to say we cannot sympathize with those who are restricted by the painful condition.  Our attention this morning is focused on Ariel Wade.  There she was, cruising the lonely, heartbroken streets of Minneapolis after midnight, looking for action – any action cause that’s the way this chick rolls – when she pulls into the drive-thru of a White Castle for her 12-pack of sliders that she sucks down like raw oysters, when they REFUSED TO SERVE HER.  Why?  Was it out of fear of her terrible visage?  Was she brandishing a knife in a threatening manner?  No.  She was refused service because she was in a motorized wheel chair (excuse me…and electric mobility scooter.)

Well she was mad.  “Madder than fish grease,” she said, after failing to get her gassy gut-bombs.  The lobby was closed so that wasn’t an option. She popped a wheelie as she laid rubber out of the parking lot (at least in her mind) vowing revenge.  The story, first reported in the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune by ace reporter James Eli (Three Names) Shiffer.  The next day, a district manager offered her free hamburgers, but the former exotic dancer from New Orleans was not appeased and is suing the chain.

Former Stripper with Arthritis

Former Stripper with Arthritis

“You can try to butter me up all you want to. Free meals ain’t going to work,” said Wade, 37, known among her friends as “The Professor” for her excellent use of grammar. “I want to make sure they don’t discriminate against another person.”  Bullshit.  She sees an opportunity to line her pockets without working for it.  Exotic dancer, my ass.  Did you ever walk into a strip joint and the dancers were all fugly and you said to yourself, “Oh, so this is where they’ve been keeping the fat chicks.”  That’s probably the place where she worked.

Every fast food chain has the rule:  No car on the tar, no bile in the belly.  It’s for safety reasons and protection, both the customers and the establishments.  Can you imagine if she had been hit by a car?  It would have been White Castle’s fault, right?  Then the claim would be that they should have prevented her from being in the drive thru in the first place.  Or if somebody walks through the drive-thru and pulls a gun: easy to disappear by just running away instead of that pesky license plate ID thing that always give me away.

And I’m going to be the first one to say it.  I know I will hear from advocates but it’s time somebody spoke the truth:  If they had served her, before you knew what hit you there would be dangerous gangs of electric mobility scooter riders roaming the streets, crowding the drive-thru lanes of fast food establishments everywhere.  The east side “Old Fogey’s” would be out after midnight swigging from bottles of Equate.  The west side’s “Rascal Raiders” would be hitting the juice bars and frightening the children.  I say, “No!”

This is one menace I will not tolerate.

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