Archive for June 15th, 2009



Here in the orgiastic but not depraved offices of The Curmudgeon, we often engage in orgies, but I speak not of the sexcapades of a group of people as we know the term today, but in it’s ancient sense of secret, late-night meetings.  Since I am the boss here, I suppose that makes me the orgiophant (a teacher or revealer of secret  rites.)  We had such a meeting just late last night, where we discussed….orgies.  Specifically, orgies – in this case a threesome – depicted in advertising.

Here’s the beef (cake): Calvin Klien has unveiled a new, giant billboard in N.Y.C. depicting 3 persons in various stages of undress – except for their Calvin’s, of course – who appear as if they are about to engage in behavior which some might find objectionable.  In other words, they’re about to get it on.

Calvin Klien BillboardI, for one, am shocked.  Shocked and repulsed.  Shocked and repulsed and disgusted.   This depravity; this vicious, vile, degenerate, immoral, shameless, lewd behavior; this profligate, debauched, lascivious, licentious and even pervy depiction of a desperate act has shaken me to my very incorruptible core, for not only have they presented an orgy in the making, but they’ve gotten it WRONG!  They’ve got it with 2 men and one woman, when everyone knows it’s supposed to be 2 women and one man.  Their way is just gross.  Ewww.

Actually my reaction is, “meh.”  As WCBS TV in N.Y.C., who first reported this story, points out, it’s not the first time sex was used to sell Calvin Klien jeans.  They interviewed Barbara Lippert, Ad Critic for Adweek Media Magazine, who said:

The billboard seems like a desperate act for Calvin Klein. I think he really wants to get back into the ballpark because he doesn’t seem relevant anymore. The worst thing would be to get no attention at all. So if you need to throw in another two or three dudes to get that attention so people will say, ‘what’ and really give it a second look, he’ll do that.”

As for me, I say, “Who gives a New York Pigeon’s posterior.”  (Well, that’s not really what I say but you get the drift.)  So the next time you see a racy billboard whose sole intention is to shock you into buying their inferior product, show your contempt and individualism by flipping it off.

And the next time you find yourself smack dab in the middle of an orgy in the making, remember these words:  “I’ve got dibs on being the orgiophant!”

(Photo credit: Threesome, marfis75/flickr)

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