Here in the sexually liberated but not wanton offices of The Curmudgeon, my day has begun as usual, sitting at my expansive desk with a cup of coffee (Ok, it’s more like a pot) and surfing your Internet world for something I can sink my teeth into, much as a vampire sinks his teeth into the juicy neck of a red-blooded American woman…or Latin or French or British or Dutch or German or…well, a hawt chick. And I come across this fleshy piece at the site, Pop Eater: Robert Pattinson’s Walk of Shame From Co-Star’s Hotel?
The story is that Pattinson and co-star Kristen Stewart were staying in the same hotel for the MTV awards, where they were big winners, by the way, and one of those stalking paparazzi people snaps a pic of Pattinson leaving in the morning looking disheveled. There were also some blurry pics taken of him struggling to get his stuff into a car while she waited, hiding behind sunglasses. Then there appeared to be a brief kiss before he got in the SUV and drove away. Romance rumors have dogged them since the first movie, and as someone who has spent many, many years in show business as an actor, lets just say you can become very close with the person you are playing a love scene with everyday.
I was taken aback. I was confused. Discombobulated. The room began spinning as I tried to make sense of the thing. It wasn’t their possible hooking up that had my head swimming. It was this: “Walk of Shame.” Walk of…what? Shame? I don’t understand. Is Kristen like an ugly fat chick or something? Let me just pull up a picture of her and check this out…
Ummm…shame my ass. They should have said he came out of the hotel “doing the stud walk.” The walk of glory. The look-at-me-I-porked-Kristen-Stewart-and-you-didn’t walk of “game.” Hey, it’s OK if you want to know if they were making “the beast with two backs,” or “bouncing the bones,” or whatever you want to call it, but don’t be calling it the walk of shame. That’s the only shameful thing around here. That two attractive people can’t do what consenting adults do without being dragged to the front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater for a public stoning.
So put your stones back in your little bag, go home, and watch your DVD copy of Twilight…again.
As Pink Floyd said: Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!
Shameless Self-Promotion: If you like hot vampire stories, check out this vampire love scene I wrote, but be warned, it is HOT. Click here for some sexy vampire fun!
#1 (Photo Credit: Shame, Joe Gatling, flickr, Layout by thecrustycurmudgeon)