Here in the cheeky but not insolent, saucy but not impertinent, M&M eating but not Eminem loving offices of The Crusty Curmudgeon,we are digging the bru-ha-ha over (Bruno) Sasha Baron Cohen’’s “junk” in Eminem’s face. Talk about giving somebody shit. The video was yanked last night by Viacom – since is Internet popularity zoomed into the serious money realm – but for some reason has reappeared today. I have no idea if this video will remain “on the air” or not. THE ANSWER IS “NOT.” THE VIDEO HAS BEEN REMOVED AGAIN BY VIACOM. WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMAN TODAY TO STOP THIS OUTRAGE! Ok. Well. It’s back on again. We are playing cat and gerbil. There is some speculation on whether Eminem was in on the gag (Ok, with a guys “junk” in my face, I would be gagging too) or was he really surprised and pissed?
The game is afoot, Watson. But before we begin, let us look at the facts: Sacha Baron Cohen flew over the audience connected to a wire playing a flamboyant character “Bruno.” He wore some large, fluffy white wings and his butt was, for all practical purposes, exposed. I’m talkin’ he was showing his naked, hairy ass. He then crashes into something up there amongst the lights, and is lowered headfirst right into Eminem’s lap with his bare butt in the rappers mug.
Then Cohen said, “Is the real Slim Shady about to stand up?” Eminem seemed visibly pissed off, and dudes in his entourage started pushing Cohen around trying to get the rapper out from the evil clutches of Bruno’s buns.
Finally, with Eminem set free from his apparently homophobic freak-out (now I have to give this one to Slim, caused I’d be grossed out too – but at least I like to think I’d be laughing about it) and “Bruno” swinging around like a pinata, the rap-head storms out with his entourage in tow (oh when, when am I gonna get an entourage?) You’re asking yourself, “So where’s the evidence, Sherlock?”
Elementary, my dear Watson. While the audience was included in the rehearsals, Eminem was not present. Isn’t that convenient? Then as he storms out, it sound as though he is wearing a mic. So why is he miked? Furthermore, the cameras were in position to record Slim’s hasty exit. In other words, they were ready for him to leave, you know, like a cue from the control room: “...and camera 3…Go…stand by camera 2 and….Go.”
Eminem didn’t return. Maybe he and his entourage of big black dudes went to his place and were on the “down low.” So the question has been raised, was he punked or were you pooped on? Matthew Labov, Sasha Baron’s publicist said “no comment” when reached after the show. When asked whether the rapper was caught by surprise, and MTV spokeswoman would neither confirm nor deny. And finally, Eminem isn’t returning phone calls. So you tell me: Is it real, or is it Memorex?
When you write this in your journal, Watson, call it, The Case of Bruno’s Buns.”
And those are the crusty facts. The moral of the story is don’t trust angel wing-wearing guys named Bruno who have their butt hanging out. They only want to stick it in your face.
Will we ever find out the truth? When pigs fly out of Bruno’s butt.
HOT OFF THE PRESSES: This just in. Just reported by seattllepi.com, there’s “No Butts About It: MTV’s Eminem-Bruno Stunt Was Staged.” Here’s the excerpt:
This much is for certain: Cohen’s “Bruno” alter ego landing in Eminem’s lap was a prearranged stunt. “There’s no way it was an accident,” an industry insider who was seated a few rows in front of Eminem tells TVGuide.com. “You don’t let two stars collide without a detailed plan.” For starters, Bruno’s airborne entrance was purposely detoured by speakers that were lowered into his path during the previous commercial break. That bit of equipment manipulation — coupled with the director’s cut to Eminem several seconds before Bruno’s “fall” — is what our spy calls “the smoking gun.“
What did I tell you. The Curmudgeon Rules!
If Viacom has pulled this copy of the video, you can catch it at Rolling Stone.
(Photo Credit: Flying Pigs, Icefire/Denmark)