Here in the oceanic eco-friendly but not all wet Curmudgeon offices – currently located in the Pacific Northwest with offices over-looking Puget Sound – we have seen our share of spectacular whale tails. Both the beautiful Orca tail, rising above the water with a playful but dangerous slap back onto the water, but also the illusive land whale tail, that which belongs to human women. Their tails involve a playful but dangerous slap too, but that’s another fish-out-of-water story.
For those of you who don’t know, we speak not of whale-sized women and their behinds, but rather when the back of a (hopefully) hawt young girl’s g-string or thong appears above the level of her low-rise jeans, much like the whale’s tail appearing above the water’s surface. This look is said to have been popularized by Christine Aguilera and Brittany Spears. In fact, I could have easily included pictures of these two pop tarts, but there are, as they say, lots of whale tails in the sea.
I don’t know who first coined the term “whale tail,” but I wish it were me. It’s clever and funny and, gosh darn it, that’s exactly what they look like. I must confess that I like the look too. The fashion. The statement, which is something like, “wouldn’t you like to dive into this?” Why…yes Ma’am. Yes I would. I kind of get the whole Prince Charles wants to be a tampon thing, too. I don’t know what that means and I don’t want to find out. I don’t know why we have certain bizarre fantasies. I don’t mind looking for their deep-rooted, twisted reasons when it’s your crazy stuff we’re talking about, but when it’s mine…fugeddaboutit.
But back to whale tails. We have this one young woman working here – Asfrid’s her name – who is like a Nordic goddess, all blond hair and creamy softness and steamier than an outdoor jacuzzi in a snow bank. Asfrid has a whale tail almost every day and they make me want to be Jacques Cousteau. In search of zee elusive whale tail. Give me a camera, boys…I’m going under. I think I’ll introduce the idea of casual Friday, only we’ll have whale tale Friday. Or maybe not. Some guy will complain and want to do plumber’s crack Friday, and that is the opposite of a whale tail. Unless the girls want to do plumber’s crack Friday…okay, wait. I’m getting confused. So many options, so many tails.
No. I guess I won’t mess with nature. I reckon I’ll leave it to chance whether the whale tail appears or not, just like the Orca’s glorius, feisty tail. Didn’t I say we were oceanic eco-friendly here at the Curmudgeon?
Save the Whale…Tail.