Here in the old-fashioned but not prehistoric offices of The Curmudgeon, we have been following the story of the new tiny dinosaur discovery. Mainly, we’ve just been waiting for them to come up with a name for the tiny terrors before rushing to press. They have finally tagged the miniature meat-eaters as Hesperonychus elizabethae, or Mahakala omnogovae for a moniker, but that’s just as hard to say as the scientific name so we’ll just call ’em MO.
MO is a relative of Velociraptor, the drool-dripping, razor-clawed dinosaur who scared us out of our petrified shorts in Jurassic park, barelly a meager 2 feet long (70 centimeters) and weighing about the same as two cans of Mountain Dew. Unearthed in the Southern Gobi Desert, the little darlings lived during the Cretaceous, between 146 and 65 million ago. Imagine a herd of the little buggars – not that there is any evidence of dinosaur buggary – going after prey like a school of piranha. Now imagine yourself as the prey. Now imagine Rosie O’Donnell. Now that’s scary. Now imagine Rosie being eaten by the dinosaurs. Double scary.
That’s what I did, and it occurred to me that this would make a nice little horror film, except for the Rosie part, not because I don’t want to see Rosie be eaten by a pack of chomping chubby chasers, but because it wouldn’t be real, and since it wasn’t real, I would be disappointed. Tragically disappointed. Which took me to who should they eat in the movie? Because movies are dependent on box office, and pretty girls are good box office, it follows that the carnivorous critters should eat a pretty girl…or two.
My vote goes to Nicole Kidman. Or Halle Berry. Or Charlize Theron. Now there’s three ladies who look good enough to eat. I would like to eat them. Mmmmm, tasty. Oh I’d eat ’em and I’d eat ’em good, not because I don’t like them, but because I love them. Now they may not be to your liking. That’s ok. You can have your fantasies and I’ll keep mine.
That’s about all I have to say about the smallest dinosaur ever discovered. If there are any additions to the story – any new information – I’ll tell you about it. Heck, maybe they’ll even find some smaller ones some day.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a film script to write. I wonder if Sandra Bullock is available?