Here in the princely but not kitschy offices of the Curmudgeon, recent idle chatter among the minions has been of flying cows (and of vinegar, but we’ll swim across that bridge later). I have no idea why, just that it is so, and this had me investigating flying cows on that indispensable, finger-tip reference library, the Internet. This exhaustive research led me to the following indisputable conclusion: There is no such thing as a flying cow.
It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s…
Not one to stop kicking a dead horse, I postulated that surely there must be such a thing as “flinging” cows. There doesn’t seem to be that either. I was surprised. Surely some little town, somewhere, has a flinging cow contest at their annual fair? They flung one on Northern Exposure once and it looked like a muy good time. There are several businesses going by the name of Flying Cow(s): including a British consulting business; a shirt company in Columbia, Missouri; a restaurant publication; books; a band (you pick any clever name and you will find a band using it); and the occasional odd-ball news story of a cow falling off a cliff and landing on a car in Spokane or cows caught in a hurricane. But there are no cows that actually fly or people who fling them on purpose. Not that I know of.
And that is why my curiosity piqued when this news item made it’s way to my desk: British Man Piloting Plane Hits Cow. Well, what else could I say but “Holy Cow!” Could it be true then? Could cows fly after all? Ummmmm…no. The guy was landing his private vintage plane when he hit the cow on the runway. Well whoop de do. I think somebody, somewhere, should fling a cow. Let me know how that works out for you.
Vim and Vinegar
As for vinegar, totally unrelated to flying cows though it may be, I did make a discovery involving the miracle stuff that to me was more exciting than…well…a flying cow. Having read that putting a mixture of vinegar and water on your car windshields will prevent ice from forming on them, I was given the opportunity to test the theory. The freezing rain had already begun and the windows were already iced over, but supposedly it will work anyway. So apply it I did, with a sponge, a thin coat consisting of 3 parts vinegar and 1 part water, sponged lightly on top of the ice already coating the glass. Would you believe that the next morning my windows were ice-free? Unbelievable. Something actually worked around here. So try it the next time you’re expecting foul weather. And put it on your cow before you fling it. It gets cold up there in the atmosphere.