Here in the plush offices of the CC (that’s Crusty Curmudgeon for you neophytes), we’re always on the lookout for odd police actions. Sometimes, when were not too busy stuffing our faces with truffled turkey and martini’s, we even write about them. I do so today with this tale of a tail.
…and then he struck a match and…KABOOM!
West Virginia, steeped in rich history such as hillbillies, strip-mining, and black lung, is host to our report of police abuse. Jose A. Cruz was pulled over for driving without headlights. According to the cops, the complaint said he smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three sobriety tests. He was handcuffed and taken to the station for a breathalyzer test.
As patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair towards the cop, lifted his leg and “passed gas loudly.” And then he fanned it in the general direction of the cop. The cop wrote in his complaint, “The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons.” Oh, the humanity!
Cruz admitted that he cut one, but denied moving his chair toward the cop nor aiming his poot at the officer. He further claimed he had an upset stomach and the police wouldn’t let him use the bathroom.
“I couldn’t hold it no more,” he eloquently stated.
He also denied the rest of it, i.e., being drunk and uncooperative. Cruz stated that the cops thought the poot incident was funny at the time, yukking it up with him, but then the complaint said different.
When asked how he felt about the complaint now, Cruz lamented, “This is ridiculous. I could be facing time.”
Think of the precedent this could set. The lawsuit potential alone is mind-boggling. Does your spouse let ’em rip while your sleeping? Sue ’em! Someone accidentally let one escape while you’re standing in line behind them? Sue ’em! It’s not like the court system doesn’t stink enough as it is. The insurance companies will be right behind the movement, smelling money. You’ll need personal gas insurance.
This is going to be a big new thing. Remember, you got a whiff of it here first!
The Shameless Self-Promotion Section
Speaking of lawsuits, they keep getting wackier and wackier. I just published this article on my five favorite frivolous lawsuits and the decay of the American Justice System. You can read it here: Five Stupid Lawsuits: You Don’t Like It, Sue Me!