Here in the chic offices of The Curmudgeon, we are thorough but overworked. That’s why we welcome tips from friends, neighbors, relatives, readers, the local police department, and our priest – if we had one. So today I am writing a follow-up to yesterdays Perez Hilton farce – which I rarely do – thanks to this tip from friend, colleague, fellow college alum (Harvard – but don’t bother checking: I’m pretty sure they lost our records,) and a fantastic writer himself, Paul Sagan. If he were a priest he’d have all the bases covered. He offered todays tip, which is, in a nutshell, Perez Hilton is living in some kind of insane fantasy world where he is the king. We kind of knew that, but hear me out.
GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Assimilation Association Disorder…okay, I made that up. It’s Alliance Against Defamation) stated that while they condemned any attack on Hilton – and they acknowledge that there aren’t a lot of facts available – they mostly asked that Hilton apologize for using the F word, namely, fa***t.
Hilton is outraged, of course. Peons don’t ask the King to apologize, don’t you know. So what does he do? He pules (whines and whimpers) some more, now DEMANDING an apology from GLAAD for taking the situation further (read: daring to criticize the King.)
Here is what the germ said:
I am saddened GLAAD chose to victimize me further by criticizing me for how I non-violently dealt with a very scary situation that, unfortunately, turned violent. While I doubt I will get an apology from GLAAD, nor do I expect one, I would just hope people know how difficult it is to intellectualize a situation and think rationally when a thug disguised as a musician is screaming at your face and intimidating you. I am just very fortunate and grateful that nothing more serious happened to me.”
Gawd, can I go back to my own planet yet? Surely my work here is done. We’re still not sure exactly what happened in the first place, but the gist is that Black Eyed Pea member will i. am asked or told Hilton not to write about the band on his website any more, Hilton having been derogatory about their most recent album. Possibly, will I. am got his face close to Hilton’s when he said this, but they were in a night club. You ever try talking to anybody in a loud nightclub? This sent Hilton into an unreasonable tirade which you can read in yesterdays post.
Hilton claims he felt threatened by will. i. am. No doubt. Will i. am is black and we all know how scary it can be to be close to a black man. You never know what could happen? He could pull out a knife or bust a cap in is powdery ass. Lordy, lordy, everybody run, it’s a black man! Give me a break. Hilton is so white bread he grew up inside a Wonder bag.
This is what really pisses me off. In our society, you are allowed to say whatever you want to somebody’s face, no matter how offensive, mean, or insulting it may be. But you are not allowed to punch them in the face if they do. I’m sorry, but this is wrong. Words can hurt and wound as much as violence. If Hilton goes off on me (how dare him! I am the real King!) then that gives me the right to punch him in his horrid face…or it should. The only question here should not be who struck who first, but who started the ugly part, whether by word or deed. As far as the smack to the kisser, the only question to consider is “did he deserve it.” Yes. He did. He deserved worse. The point is, if you can’t deal with the fight that ensues, then shut your mouth. Check out the National News story video below, which has it pretty much right, and also perfectly demonstrates what it means to be mewling and puling.
Hopefully, I am done with Perez Hilton, and he will dissolve back into the primordial ooze from which he crawled in the first place where he can continue his crybaby act. I’m going to make a sandwich, not on wonder bread, but on Pumpernickel you puss face.