Here in the star chamber, i.e., The Curmudgeon offices, we are no stranger to frivolous lawsuits. We have expressed our outrage over them previously, not to mention that we were once sued by a man claiming that his head exploded after reading one of our posts. So when a Kansas City man sued the Royals over a wiener, our interest was peaked.
When a fan sits close to the field, they are on the lookout for foul balls possibly conking them in the head and causing serious injury, but they are seldom on the lookout for a flying frank, especially one that is thrown from the field.
But that’s what happened when the Royals mascot, Sluggerrr, pitched a red hot into the stands and hit John Coomer in the eye, causing serious injury. Or so he claims in a $25,000 lawsuit against the franchise. What injuries could a wind-up with a wienie cause? According to Coomer, the meaty missile caused a detached retina and the development of two cataracts, necessitating two eye surgeries. Furthermore, he now has permanent impairment and is a greater risk for future eye problems.
“When they took me to the first aid station, they offered me a free wiener for my trouble. I accepted it and it was terrible. Tasted like dogsh*t. I should sue ‘em just for severing substandard hot dogs. If they had seved Ballpark franks…that would have been different.”
“We’re not going to comment of future litigation regarding our wieners,” spokesman David Holzman told the Curmudgeon. “The size of our tube steaks is a matter of public record…they’re just average wieners.”
According to several reviews, the Royals stadium has Aramark hot dogs, suppliers of crappy bulk food, and the hot dogs are awful.
Apparently, Sluggerrr agrees. So does John Coomer.