Here in the impetuous offices of The Crusty Curmudgeon, we are often shooting off of figurative mouths about the latest PETA absurdity, with this caveat: we are pro-animal rights. I do not want any more forests to be taken for wood, or the rainforest clear-cut so someone can try to grow potatoes, or any species should face extinction, etcetera, etcetera, but PETA is beyond the bounds of crazy behavior.
Much have I written about them, including their Florida billboards with pictures of fat humans and the slogan, “SAVE THE WHALES; Lose the Blubber – Go Vegetarian.” Or their recent outrage over a destructive squirrel who was caught in a trap on a home’s roof and spent a little too long in the hot sun, or their supposed outrage over Puxatawney Phil, the famous shadow seeing ground hog. They thought Phil was abused performing for the cameras like that, and suggested an animatronic groundhog instead.
Now they’re at it again. This time, they want to lease the Amityville house of horror (Currently up for sale for 1.15 million). They want to turn it into a meat-eaters house of horror. PETA vice-president Tracy Reiman wrote to the present owners, “In our horror house, the sound of slaughterhouse blades whirring while animals scream for their lives would play over loudspeakers.” And the letter went on: “Visitors would be able to see animatronic hens struggling for space inside tiny battery cages and lifelike “fish” gasping for air as they slowly suffocate on the deck of a fishing boat.”
You didn’t think the wackos would stop there, did you? Oh no, not by a long shot. Visitors would be subjected, er…treated to a smorgasbord of tasty visual delights, like branding irons and an electrified cow prod and the opportunity to be locked in a small pig crate. And don’t leave without a special souvenir. I suggest a doll that resembles a crazed, knife-wielding Ronald MacDonald. No kidding.
And you can’t leave without dining in the zero star Cruelty-Free Cafe, featuring delicious, mouth watering vegan food, such as protein-packed mock chicken and faux ribs. See the irony of that? Their so-called delicious food tries to resemble meat. Why not just serve the vegetables instead of trying to pass it off as meat? Is it because meat is delicious and that’s what people like to eat?
Sounds like a lovely afternoon, and I’m booking my tickets as soon as it’s official. My main beef is I love me some meat. Steaks, chops, chicken, ribs, and fish, broiled, smoked, braised, baked, grilled, and roasted. Don’t get in my way, PETA, I’m warning you. I’ll mess you up, because your game is easy to play.
Of course, the neighbors are thrilled with the prospect of PETA moving into the home, which is best summed up by a neighbor way back in 1999, when he told the N.Y. Daily News that the movie “…screwed up the whole neighborhood.” Well, just wait until PETA moves in.
Talk about screwed up.
(Information for this story came from the N.Y.Daily News.)