Here in the worshipful offices of The Curmudgeon – what we’re worshiping I’m not saying – we have spent many a long night in dives and pool halls arguing about religion. Many of the staff were raised Catholic but are non-practicing or estranged from the church. I can’t wait for tonight’s meet at Paddy’s Pagan Pub to share the following news item: An Italian novice nun is suing her ex-boyfriend for posting naked pictures of her on Facebook. This is an outrage! There are naked pictures on Facebook and I didn’t know about it? Call my lawyer!
The 31-year old novice nun from Italy is obviously undressed – er, distressed – to find pictures of her and the boyfriend from a vacation several years ago, which he published to put an end to this silly nun business. It’s a typical spurned boyfriend reaction: his feelings are hurt and he can’t see what the woman sees in that new guy, Jesus. “You’d think he could walk on water or something,” the boyfriend was never quoted as saying. “Capische?”
Apparently, a bunch of horny Italian guys are now considering the priesthood. I say let ‘em in; at least they like girls. I don’t think it’s an uncommon sexual fantasy for men (or women) to fantasize about a sexy woman in a nun outfit, and I could imagine it would be a popular costume in a strip joint. Hmmm, I detect a market here. Now, I was raised Catholic, and I still find myself kneeling till my knees bleed on occasion (like when somebody gets married or croaks,) and I gotta tell ya, I have never seen a nun I would want to see naked. Not one Flying Nun or Maria in the whole bunch.
As far as I’m concerned they should still let her into the . . . nunhood? . . . nuness? . . . um, be a nun. She was human and she still is as far as I know. Isn’t that what the church is supposed to be about? Forgiveness? Human frailty and weakness? Besides, lately the church’s marketing has sucked. They need to get with it or get off their cross. This is the perfect opportunity for them to appeal to a totally new demographic and revive their shriveling membership, and bring much needed funds to cover all these “sexual abuse of young boys” settlements.
Heck, they could give her a brand new order: The Order of the Bustier
Sign me up.
(Top Photo: Clovis Trouille’s nun art)