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The is an ad to get folks to 'Like" my Facebook fan page.

Here in the apprehensive offices of The Crusty Curmudgeon, we’re getting ready for a new move. That’s right. We’re packing up and moving.  Although we’ll still be at the same link, TheCrustyCurmudgeon.com, it is now pointed to somewhere else entirely. To our own site on our own server.

Even now, we are loading articles one, two, three a day to the new site. These old posts will remain here too–if you happen to get a link that has the word “wordpress” in it, but you won’t see any new material unless you go to the other link…once I start adding new stuff, that is.

We’ve also created a Facebook fan page at this great URL: facebook.com/CrustyCurmudgeon. I’m working on that page right now too, even though it’s exactly 1am in Crustyville.  I’m trying to create a landing page on which you will see one image if you’re a non-fan, and another image if you have  already pressed “Like.”

This is what you'll see if you're already a fan of the Facebook fan page.

This will appear on the non-fan landing page, along with some other stuff.

Here in the offices of The Crusty Curmudgeon, many of us have to endure hours of air travel across the globe as we rush off to cover presidential inaugurations and Kings being sceptered (or whatever the hell they call that when they do this thing and say, “Okay…Now you be da King!”  As far as I know, none of us have ever freaked out on a plane flying high in the sky and tried to beat a hasty exit. But now it has happened to someone who is not one of us.  She is a Playboy Centerfold.
It was aboard JetBlue Flight 522 on Thursday, in route to Newark to Orlando, when suddenly Playboy Playmate Tiffany Livingston freaked out, jumped up from her seat and frantically began trying to open the door of the plane.  It’s unclear at the time of this writing exactly what transpired at that moment, but we can imagine that the 200 male passengers on board ran to tackle her (and probably cop a feel.)
A source, unnamed of course, told The Curmudgeon that it was a bad case of high anxiety mixed with her neglecting to take her medication.  I don’t know.  It seems like a bad idea to step out of a plane at 35,000 feet unless you’re D.B.Cooper holding a satchel with a million bucks in it.  Back then, a million bucks was worth something.
“She said she’s gone through this before, but never this bad, and didn’t have…her medication,” a source told The Curmudgeon.
“[Livingston] has dealt with minor anxiety issues in the past, however has always maintained a high level of professionalism in the modeling business,” said Kathleen Longsderff, Agency Director at an agency that Livingston was with previously.
Longsderff, of New England Models Group continued, saying that Livingston “began modeling in New England and then traveled to Paris in 2008. She went on to successfully model in Barcelona, Tokyo, Hong Kong and Singapore.”
Livingston, from Merrimac, R.I., was taken by the Feds and placed under federal custody on Thursday, as reported by the New York Post. Charges are still pending.  I guess the charges would include Freaking Out in the 1st degree.
Before all you collectors of fine art go running to your stash of Playboys that you’re hiding from your wife, forget about it, unless you have the Singapore version, called VIP, from 2009.  In the mag she was described as “not just another pretty face.”  No, she’s not.  She’s a pretty bod too, and unfortunately, her head got the better of her this time.

Here in the offices of The Curmudgeon, the staff is multi-ethnic.  I, Crusty, am an Irish American for example (Gosh N Begorrah – which, by the way, is a phrase never uttered by a real Irishman.)  Other members of the staff include Asian, Polish, Scottish, Italian, and African American.  There are others, but I can’t remember what they are.  Not only do we see this blend of cultures here, but in businesses everywhere.  Throughout society, in fact.

I am thinking of this because of an article I read (which I read because I wrote it, and unlike some writers I know, I actually read the articles I write) entitled The Top Ten New Food Trends.  It’s a great series (if I do say so myself – and I do), but in particular I am interested in the article about the new ethnicity of food.  The article states that American Food is Now Ethnic.  The gist of it is that with all the diverse cultures now populating America, naturally our food has changed as each culture’s food influences each other.

Generally, “homogenized” is a word that is applied to various things in a derogatory fashion.  I gotta tell you, raw milk is delicious, but unless I personally know the cow that gave it to me, I’m a little wary of it.  I’d rather be safe than sour.  Homogenized is defined as A: To reduce to particles and disperse throughout a fluid, and B: To make uniform in consistency, especially to render (milk) uniform in consistency by emulsifying the fat content.

Is this such a bad thing when we apply the term to our culture and the people therein?  I think not.  As a race of people, we are mixing.  While many zealots call for the purity of the Caucasian race, I think a little mixed blood is good for a people, or often is.  I offer two examples to support this statement.

Moon Bloodgood - The fact proves the theory.

Consider the dog.  The four-legged kind.  On one hand you have purebreds and on theother, mutts.  It’s a well known fact that purebreds carry with their breeds a myriad of health problems, and mutts, not so much.  Before you judge that as a weak argument (dammit, the white race is not inbred, you cry), ask yourself why you are attracted to foreigners?  Aren’t you?  A foreign accent can make me swoon, and the reason is this:  it is a deeply ingrained species survival instinct.  Spread the semen around.  Give you eggs to someone who will help your line survive.  They’re from far away so you are not likely to share their blood.

Secondly, some offspring of mixed race couplings are stunningly beautiful.  First of all, I want to say that there are beautiful women from most cultures (and I’m sure for you ladies, some dudes too), but when you combine a race with Caucasian, look out.  I wonder if to a Japanese person a Caucasian looks better if they also have some Japanese blood.  I suspect that’s true, and the same for other races.  Halle Berry, anyone?  Think of it as blending two types of grapes and making a stunning blended wine.  The combination of the two produces a much better result than each grape would have on its own.

Share a glass of wine with the mixed-race person of your choice tonight.  Or just a person of a different race.  If you drink enough wine, maybe you’ll make your own fine vintage.

Here in the offices of The Curmudgeon, the big boss (that’s me) doesn’t tolerate lawsuits against Crusty Curmudgeon Enterprises, hereinafter referred to as The Company.  As an example, when an employee stormed into my office claiming his stapler was faulty, which caused a puncture wound to the alleged victim, hereinafter referred to as “azzole,” and he threatened to sue The Company, I took the alleged faulty stapler from him and stapled his tongue to the alleged roof of his mouth.  Primarily because he was way stupid.

Now, in Dover, N.H., a high-school student named Dubois, probably the unfortunate offspring of the aforementioned “azzhole,” attached a clamp to one nipple while a second student attached a clamp to the other nipple, and a third student plugged it in.  The shock was so severe his heart stopped and Dubois now claims he suffered permanent brain damage.  I contend he demonstrated he already had brain damage.

Now he – and his money-grubbing parents – are suing the teacher, the school, and the city of Dover.  I had never imagined a lawsuit arising from a Three Stooges routine.  While people named Dubois have famously “always depended on the kindness of strangers,” this branch of the family is depending on everyone else to make them rich.

Their claim is that the teacher failed to warn the stupids…er…students…about the dangers of electricity. What’s next, teachers will have to warn all students about the dangers of jamming pencils into their eyeballs?  Besides,  aren’t the dangers of electricity something parents are supposed to teach their kids from the time they are babies?  But I guess it wouldn’t pay to sue themselves.  They have ruined that teacher’s life and they should be ashamed (plus the whole family should have clamps attached to their nipples and plugged in, but that only happens in Crusty’s world.)

Of course, there’s an attorney who agreed to this farce and that’s why lawyers are so often despised.  Fact is, there are some good lawyers out there, and when you need one, well…I hope you get one.

If there’s a God in heaven, or a decent judge on the bench, this case will be thrown out of court and the family and attorney given a stiff fine for filing a frivolous lawsuit.

Now that would be shocking.

(Information for the story came from WTOP.com and AP.)

Here in the childless offices of The Crusty Curmudgeon, we have mixed opinions on administering corporal punishment to children.  Should kids get spanked?  Or should they not?  As for myself, I occasionally got “spanked,” or a “got a whuppin,” as we called it, but shoot, ole Crusty’s momma used to chase him around with a bullwhip.  But looking back, it’s easy to see that these rare occasions  were meant for show and to distill fear in poor little Crustini, as the spanking part really didn’t hurt.  So some times a little spanking is in order, at least for me, but actually inflicting serious pain is not.  And at what age should this type of discipline begin?

I don’t know.  Four?  Five?  I think we can all agree though, that a mere 13 months is too young.  Hey, that’s a BABY man!  It happens, and in public too.  As proof, let’s consider Southwest airlines, where on a recent flight from Dallas to Albuquerque, a stewardess observed a mother slap her 13-month old baby.  The stewardess was horrified, as were the passengers who witnessed the event.  So what to do?  The stewardess did what any sensible stewardess would do:  she confiscated the baby.

My momma only slapped me once…and I deserved it.  I remember it well.  It was April fools day and, knowing that my idiot brother would shake tons of salt on his food before he had even tasted it – an insult to my mother the cook – I loosened the top of the salt shaker and…well, you know what happened.  Everyone stared in horror at the plate of food, now obscured under a mound of salt, except me of course.  I laughed.  I laughed heartily.  Without batting an eye, my mother slapped me at the dinner table.  I knew what was coming next of course.  I simply stood up and went to my room without my dinner.  But I hardly think the baby loosened the top of the salt.  Besides, they don’t serve food on Southwest flights.  Maybe if your plane crashed on a deserted island for a few weeks, you might get a bag of salted nuts.  Um…hold the salt.

Upon landing at Albuquerque International Sunport, the stewardess explained the situation to the aviation police as paramedics checked the baby, who had no injuries.  After speaking with the stewardess, the parents, and witnesses,  aviation police chief Marshall Katz and authorities felt it was an isolated incident and returned the child to the parents.  Katz added that the stewadess’ action neutralized the situation.

Typical!  The prisoner is returned to his captors.  I hope for the sake of the kid that it was an isolated incident, and that the mauling mother felt the kind of deep down shame that will prevent her from slapping babies in the future, cause that’s just wrong.  If I could leave her – and you, dear readers – one final bit of wisdom to help guide you in the future, it would be this:

Don’t slap no babies!

(Incident reported by the AP.)

Here in the mysterious offices of The Curmudgeon, we have investigated many a murder and suspicious death, though seldom do we have photographic evidence of the crime.  But that’s just what Google’s Street View got when photographing a street in Britain.  The picture was posted on the Internet as part of the service and raised some eyebrows…and the dead. Seems the image was of ten-year-old Azura Beebeejaun who was ‘playing dead’ outside her home in Middle Road, Worcester.

Unaware that it was a game of Possum, locals became so concerned over the image that they called the Internet firm and the local newspaper.  The picture had actually been taken the previous summer.  The girl said, “I didn’t know anything about the Google Street View car (recording me). I fell over while I was playing with my friend and thought it would be funny to play dead.”  Well, it is funny Azura, wish I had done it myself.

The Google Street View service offers 360-degree views of streets, allowing users to see the actual streets in a neighborhood.  Google uses cars fitted with panoramic camera’s on their roofs to capture the images.  I always wondered how they did it.  I thought it was camera toting leprechauns, but no such luck.  If it were, we’d get some mighty interesting pictures.  Leprechauns are kind of cheeky, you know.  You might get a little Peeping Tom action, or in this case, Google Oogling.

A youth worker acquainted with Azura said, “I just wish she was that quiet all the time.” A Google spokesoogler said, “This is why we have put in place tools so that if people see what they believe to be inappropriate, they can report them to us using the simple reporting tool and the images will be quickly removed or further blurring applied.”

It’s not the first controversy Google has encountered over the service.  Last year British users complained about invasion of privacy, forcing Google to remove hundreds of photographs.  Germany launched an inquiry into whether Google had their special “oogle view” cars adapted to also map internet connections in homes around the world to help it sell adverts, using the signals which spill from inside homes on to the street.   This information lets Google send mobile phone users adverts for
nearby restaurants, shops and other services through its Google Maps application, collecting a fee every time a user clicks on an advert.

As a result of that inquiry, Australia, South Korea, France, Germany, Canada and America launched investigations after Street View cars collected private data sent from the unprotected home wi-fi
connections.    Ooooo, Google, you’re such naughty, naughty boys!  I had no idea you would resort to such sneaky business!

I’ve filed my own lawsuit…for not initiating Leprechaunic Oogle View.

(Some information for the story came from The Daily Mail, United Kingdom.)

Here in the bargain-hunting offices of The Curmudgeon, we are fond of getting a good deal whether it’s at a Flea Market, Consignment shop, Goodwill, or Garage Sale.  Anywhere really, as long as it’s a great item and the price is right.  One such sale occurred recently where the prices were more than right. They were down right insane.  Customers thought they were getting a steal, and they were…literally.

A man had broken into the home and apparently, not satisfied with his bootie, decided to open up the garage and have a sale.  As it happens, the garage was full of expensive power tools and woodworking equipment, and over the course of several hours the scoundrel sold approximately $40,000 thousand bucks worth of stuff.  Damn, I wish I had been there. I could have used a new router.

Seems neighbors looked on and didn’t do or say anything as people walked off with the expensive stuff sold for pennies on the dollar.  “There were a lot of people who got really good deals out there,” said Staff Sgt. Doug Warn.  “We know that there are many other people out there who did purchase items at completely unrealistic low prices … there’s no doubt in my mind that these people now know that that property is now stolen property,” Warn added.

And they could be charged for possession of stolen property.  Having to return all that fine merchandise must be really tough, but think of the poor guy who saved and saved to buy all that stuff.  Power tools ain’t cheap.  But you have to hand it to the brazen criminal.  If he had of booked just a little earlier he would have been free and clear.  Twas greed that caught the cat.  Now let’s see if greed keeps people from returning the items.  If they don’t I hope they get it too.  Right is right.  And if they do return the stuff, I hope they get their money back…every penny of it.

(Information for this story came from CBC News.)A

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